So what do you actually do if your Boyfriend Doesn’t Like Your Best Friend? Is your boyfriend being unreasonable with his obviously strong dislike of your best friend — or are his thoughts and feelings justified based on your best friend’s actions?
When you are in a relationship the last thing you would want to be happening is your boyfriend and best friend not seeing eye-to-eye. They are both two seriously important people in your life that you really want to be getting along.
Most of the time your best friend would have been a part of your life a lot longer than your boyfriend. This can make things seriously complicated or complex when it comes to considering who’s side to take if any on the problems at hand.
Quite often you’re left feeling like piggy in the middle between your boyfriend’s thoughts and feelings about your best friend — and it feels like there is not too much you can say or do to find a solution or resolve it.
Put simply you feel helpless and stuck in the middle. You care for them both deeply, and just want them to get along. So what things should you do or consider if your boyfriend really doesn’t like your best friend?
Here are some of the questions you should be asking yourself or the things you can do to try help resolve the issues with your boyfriend not getting along or seeing eye-to-eye with your bestie.
Should Your Boyfriend And Best Friend Always Get Along?
Sure, we’d all prefer the answer to be yes as this would make our lives a whole lot easier. However, when considering if your boyfriend and best friend should always be getting along like a house on fire. It’s first important to know the real answer to this question which is actually a resounding No!
As strange as it may be to hear, your boyfriend and your best friend do not always need to be getting along for things to be just fine in your relationship with your boyfriend — or equally your relationship with your best friend.
Of course, them both not getting along can make things a little harder when it comes to arranging things or being friends with someone your boyfriend doesn’t like — but the fact remains that many relationships can still thrive despite these issues being in play.
Should they always like each other?
You can not always expect your boyfriend to share your feelings of care or connection that you have for your best friend, the same way you cannot expect your best friend to share the love you have for your boyfriend.
They are both two individuals you care about deeply that both have their own minds, thoughts, or feelings about the world around them and the people you choose to share your life with.
Considering whether or not your boyfriend and best friend should always get along only becomes more of a bigger issue when your boyfriend’s dislike of your best friends starts to actively affect your relationship with him.
If he starts trying to control you, emotionally blackmail you, or tells you to ditch your best friend just because he doesn’t like them. Then it’s probably time to dive a little deeper into why he thinks this way — and why his strong dislike of your best friend could begin to damage your relationship together.
Consider Your Boyfriends Behaviour & Feelings
One of the first things you should consider is your boyfriend’s behavior. Looking at the things he is doing, his actions, and what he is saying to you and why can be pretty revealing.
Boyfriends who are overly protective or display behavior that could be considered controlling especially in regards to who you spend your time with can become a bit of a problem that becomes worse over time.
If he’s actively trying to stop you from going out with your best friend or says things to make you feel guilty for spending time with your bestie instead of him. Then it’s a telltale sign you’re being guilt-tripped or emotionally blackmailed. It’s a control issue.
These issues can all be made worse if your boyfriend actively despises your best friend and lets you know this constantly.
Ensure it’s not a control issue
Of course, not every boyfriend is going to be controlling or show this kind of behavior — but his strong dislike of your best friend will make him do some pretty strange things that might seem out of character.
[Read: 9 Signs That Your Boyfriend Is Deeply In Love With You]
If he tries to control what you do, or what he says to you shows he feels threatened or put off by your best friend being in the picture. Then it’s probably time to begin seeing his feelings or thoughts from his point of view.
Knowing why your boyfriend has such a strong dislike of your best friend will be half the battle. If you can figure out why he doesn’t like them or see the bigger picture through his eyes. It could reveal much about why he feels this way, or if in fact, he’s being pretty unreasonable with his thoughts or feelings towards them.
Try To See It From Your Boyfriends Point Of View
Seeing things from your boyfriend’s point of view is seriously important if you ever want to get to the bottom of him not liking your best friend.
To start tackling the issue you should ask him direct questions and make it clear you are trying to see things from his viewpoint. Listen to what he is saying about his dislike or worries about your best friend and try to see if anything he mentioned could be valid or something you also need to take onboard.
Maybe your best friend has done things that make him feel like he never wants to be in their company, or perhaps he has worries about how your bestie is affecting the relationship between you and him.
In any case, you really need to get the full picture from him on why he finds it hard to like or get along with your best friend — and it’s a bad sign if his only reasoning for not liking them stems from the time you spend with them away from him.
Finding the real reasons your boyfriend doesn’t like your best friend
You’re looking for the real reasons he doesn’t like them or you spending time with them. He’s your boyfriend and it’s only right to see it fully from his point of view.
What he says might actually surprise you. He may have had your best interests at heart all along — or perhaps he was just looking for any excuse to have you all to himself.
[Read: 10 Worrying Signs Your Boyfriend Isn’t Really In Love With You]
Only you can pass this judgment when you have all those facts at hand. You owe it to your boyfriend to hear his side of the story and see if any of his feelings, thoughts, or actions could be deemed reasonable or valid.
Try To See It From Your Best Friends Point Of View
Best friendships can be seriously complex at the best of times. They are usually the people in your life you have grown up with, and have been through thick and thin with you.
They know your history, likes and dislikes and what makes you tick. At times it can feel like they know you better than you know yourself, which makes them seriously important people to rely on for advice or guidance in your life.
Your best friend is someone you confide in and frequently the person you go to when you want to talk over problems or concerns you have about your relationship.
This is why it’s important to put yourself in your best friend’s shoes and figure out any reason why your boyfriend may dislike or not get along with them.
Talk about your boyfriend with your best friend
Asking your best friend outright about why your boyfriend doesn’t like them can be a pretty difficult topic for you both. It can put them in a pretty difficult position as they know you love and care for your boyfriend so any answers they might give may be guarded or perhaps not 100% open and honest.
It’s much easier just to talk about your relationship with your bestie, and see their opinion of viewpoint on you being with your boyfriend. They might tell you some things which could be revealing, or even display and discuss with you a shared dislike which your boyfriend also has for them.
You are looking for truthful answers here. You want to see your best friend having your best interests at heart, and ensure they too are not trying to control or manipulate who you choose to be in a relationship with.
If your best friend gives no clues as to why your boyfriend might dislike them, or within their recent actions have done nothing wrong to warrant your boyfriend’s strong feelings of distaste.
It’s time to move forward and figure out the bigger picture, or how to approach things between your boyfriend and best friend.
Set Some Boundaries For Your Boyfriend And Best Friend
Now that you know some of the reasons your boyfriend and best friend don’t always get along. It’s time to take some action and begin to figure out how best to approach the issue moving forward.
Sometimes your boyfriend not liking your best friend can resolve itself over time as he begins to see them in the same light as you — or put simply he starts to realize they are an equally big part of your life and they both deserve your time, attention and friendship.
However, if he or your bestie has no intention of resolving things or being respectful around one another. It’s probably time to set some boundaries in your relationships with your boyfriend and best friend.
Setting boundaries and making time for them both
If your boyfriend refuses to spend time or be around you while your best friend is in the picture. Then setting boundaries for when you spend your time with him or your best friend will be seriously important.
This all relies on your ability to juggle your time and ensure you give both your best friend and boyfriend the quality time they deserve. When arranging your week you should make it clear to them both when you will be free to see them, or when you are spending time with the other.
It doesn’t need to be stuffy or regimented, it just needs to be a relaxed, open, and honest approach to how you plan to be spending your free time with each of them.
If they respect and care for you, then they should respect and take care when abiding by the boundaries you choose to set in your relationships.
If you do not feel comfortable with your boyfriend being around your best friend because you know he doesn’t like them. Then setting boundaries with how you arrange things or plan to spend your time will avoid those feelings of being trapped or stuck in the middle things.
They should both respect who you choose to spend your time with, and also see your point of view or reasoning as to why boundaries between your boyfriend and best friend should be important or imposed.
Help Your Boyfriend And Best Friend Find A Middle Ground
If you have managed to successfully set boundaries in your relationships with your boyfriend and between you and your best friend. It’s not always going to work perfectly but will often be the best solution for avoiding further friendship issues or relationship difficulties.
At times there is no getting around your boyfriend and best friend needing to spend time in the same room together. Whether they like it or not!
Birthdays or holiday events are often occasions everyone like to get together. So it can be hard to always abide by the boundaries you set in your relationships. Finding a respectful middle ground between your boyfriend and bestie will be important for moving forward.
How to prepare a middle ground between your boyfriend and best friend?
Preparing a middle ground between your bf and your bestie is not actually as hard as it sounds. If you know they are going to have to spend time together ahead of time you can try to help prepare them both and let your expectations of them be known.
You need to let your boyfriend know that you don’t expect his dislike of your best friend to get in the way of you all having a good time. Equally, your best friend needs to know what the deal is and that you expect them both to be respectful.
No matter how you plan things, if you know your boyfriend doesnt like your best friend it’s always going to be pretty tense or unpredictable at times. However, realising much of the things they do or say are out of your hands will help you sit back, relax and take note of any of their wrong doing if any.
A middle ground is not about forcing them to get along, its more about them proving to you that they can be respectful to the people who are important in your life. It can often be a reflection of how much they value what you have talked over with them prior to the occasion.
If your boyfriend or best friend reveals that they have no intention of being respectful or amicable to the people you hold most dear. Then this is some serious food for thought and could be an indication you need to consider the position or place they hold in your life moving forward.
Conclusion
When your boyfriend doesn’t like your best friend this is never going to be a good scenario to find yourself within while in a relationship together.
However, following our advice on how to find the real reasons from each of them and figure out the best way to approach things with your bf and your bestie are going to be the best steps to take.
You need them to see each other how you see them individually and find a happy middle ground while setting boundaries in your relationships to ensure you are not ghosting or locking either of them out of your life.
You need to discover that your boyfriend feelings of dislike for your best friend are valid and that this does not come from a place of control or basic jealousy about you spending time with your best friend.
Once boundaries are set and your boyfriend or best friend knows where you stand on all issues. This should secure your relationships with your boyfriend and bestie by providing them both with a transparent idea of the people who are most important to you in your life.
FAQ’s
Should I give up my friends for my boyfriend?
No. You should not give up on your best friends or close friends just because you are with your boyfriend. This is especially true if it’s your boyfriend’s desire for you to lose your friends to spend more time with him.
Sure, spending time with your boyfriend can make it difficult to keep up with other friendships or your best friends. However, it’s always best to try to make the time and not lose or give up on friendships just because you now have a boyfriend.
If you happen to break up with your boyfriend after giving up on your best friends. There is no guarantee they will still be around to help or provide friendship to you in the aftermath.
Does my boyfriend hate all my friends?
Unless your boyfriend openly tells you that they dislike or hate all of your friends. It’s not advisable to make the assumption that just because they don’t like one of your friends, that they hate them all.
Things can be said in arguments that do not always hold true, and some boyfriends may seek to gain control by saying they don’t like anyone that you hang around with.
The proof of whether or not your boyfriend hates all your friends is found within what he says to you and his actions towards them.
If he says one thing, then acts fine or friendly when he is around them. Then it could be that he’s not telling you something, or that in fact what he says to you actually holds no truth.
Should I dump my boyfriend to make my friends happy?
While your friends can offer some pretty good advice when it comes to relationships or who they think you should be with. It’s never advisable to base relationship-ending decisions purely on your friend’s opinions of your boyfriend.
Maybe they don’t see what you see in your boyfriend — or only have half the picture to base their opinions or viewpoint that you would be happier without him.
In any case, choosing to dump your boyfriend should only ever be your decision. This will take a lot of consideration, and should never be taken lightly or be based on the happiness your friends would feel if you happened to ditch him.