Why Is My Crush Saying Mean Things To Me? (What It Means)

Having your crush say mean things to you can be very hurtful and confusing. You may be wondering why they are suddenly acting cold or hurtful when you thought things were going well.

There are a few possible reasons a crush may start saying mean things, even if your interactions were previously positive:

• They are dealing with personal insecurities and taking it out on you
• They want attention, even if it’s negative
• They are playing hard to get
• Your feelings aren’t reciprocated and they want distance
• They’re trying to impress a new friend group
• Stress in other areas of life is making them act out

Here’s a breakdown of the possible reasons and explanations why your crush might be acting this way:

Possible Reasons Your Crush Is Saying Mean Things

When your crush suddenly starts saying mean things, it can be incredibly confusing and hurtful. You may be wondering why your crush’s behavior has taken such a negative turn when your interactions had previously been positive.

There are a few common explanations for why crushes sometimes act in hurtful ways that have little to do with you personally:

1. They Are Struggling With Their Own Insecurities

Often when someone is feeling bad about themselves, they take it out on others. Your crush may be dealing with their own insecurities, worries, or problems in other relationships. Lashing out at you helps distract them from their own inner struggles.

2. They’re Trying To Get Your Attention

Though negative attention is still attention, some crushes resort to meanness to get noticed. If they feel ignored or like you aren’t giving them enough time, they may act out to get a reaction.

3. They’re Playing Hard To Get

Some crushes employ the strategy of acting disinterested or mean. They think it will make you try harder to win their affection. This is an immature game that no one enjoys being on the receiving end of.

4. The Feeling Isn’t Mutual

If your crush doesn’t return your feelings, they may say mean things to create distance or space for themselves. This can be especially true when your crush is ignoring you or constantly giving you the cold shoulder.

Rejecting someone outright can be uncomfortable. So being cold or mean achieves the same goal without an awkward conversation.

5. They’re Hanging Out With A Different Crowd

If your crush has started spending time with a new group of friends, their influence could explain the change in behavior. They may be trying to impress others by being rude or aloof towards you.

6. They’re Dealing With Stress At Home

Problems with family, academics, finances, or other personal issues could be making your crush act out. So if they are taking out their stress on you, it likely has nothing to do with you personally.

How to Handle a Crush Who’s Being Mean

Being on the receiving end of meanness from your crush is upsetting. Here are some tips for coping:

1. Don’t Retaliate or Sink to Their Level

As tempting as it is to snap back when your crush is rude, resist engaging. Instead of being mean, be kind instead. As the saying goes “Kill them with kindness”.

Staying calm and positive in the face of someone being mean is usually the best way forward. You stop yourself from getting involved and place yourself firmly on the high ground.

2. Tell Them How You Feel

Have an honest, compassionate conversation with your crush about the change you’ve noticed in their behavior. Use “I feel” statements to explain why the mean remarks are hurtful.

Appeal to the side of them that cared or showed enough positive attention towards you to be your crush in the first place.

3. Spend Time With Other Friends

Redirect your energy to nurture other friendships for a while. Surround yourself with positivity from people who lift you up.

Wait for your crush’s mean phase to pass before re-engaging. Absence may make their heart grow fonder.

4. Examine Your Own Behavior

Think about whether you did anything that may have hurt or offended your crush and caused them to lash out. Were you ignoring them or making them feel insecure?

Apologize if you bear the responsibility if you’ve done or said something wrong. Owning up to your own mistakes may make your crush more likely to respond to you positively.

5. Give It Time and Space

Ultimatums about the friendship or being mean back to them may backfire, especially if you don’t know the root cause of their behavior change.

So let things cool off, give your crush space, and reassess the connection with them down the line. The mean behavior may blow over given patience on your part.

6. Make Other Social Connections

Branch out to find new friends, social circles, or even a new crush. Become part of a new friend group. Having a wider net of social connections cushions the blow if this particular crush remains remote or mean.

You have other fulfilling friendships to lean on when you make the effort to engage and be friendly with other people.

7. Consider Whether The Friendship Is Over

If the meanness persists with no explanation or accountability, it may signal this relationship has run its course.

As hard as it is, sometimes it’s healthier long term to let go of one-sided friendships or crushes, rather than endure meanness.

Surround yourself with people who treat you with kindness and respect. You deserve that.

Final Thoughts

Dealing with meanness from your crush can be confusing and demoralizing. But don’t lose hope. Often mean behavior is a reflection of what the other person is struggling with, not you.

Respond with compassion, create some space, and nurture other friendships.

If the mean behavior persists or crosses the line into verbal abuse or threats, get help from family and friends. Don’t stay quiet if your crush’s behavior is getting out of hand.

Prioritizing your self-worth means surrounding yourself with people who treat you with the care and respect you deserve.

With time, most crushes mature and outgrow petty meanness. Stay strong and keep your heart open for friendships that lift you up.