Having a crush can be complicated, especially when it involves a friend. Finding out your friend has feelings for the same person as you can bring up many conflicting emotions.
So what should you do when your friend likes your crush? First, have an open and honest conversation with your friend to understand their feelings. Set healthy boundaries you both agree on for interacting with your shared crush. Look for compromises like giving each other space and not competing for your crush’s attention.
You should also consider backing off if your friend has stronger feelings. Try to stay mature and emphasize preserving your friendship above all else. Talk it out respectfully and don’t let a crush damage your bond.
While it’s a tricky situation, there are constructive ways to handle it that can preserve the friendship.
Keep reading, as we’ve covered some of the things you should do when your friend has feelings for your crush.
Things To Do When Your Friend Likes Your Crush
1. Don’t Jump to Conclusions
Before assuming your friend definitely likes your crush, make sure you have clear evidence. Sometimes perceived signals can be misleading. Give your friend the benefit of the doubt before confronting them or deciding they have feelings for your crush.
Observe how they act around your crush and what they say about them. Do they get nervous or excited when your crush is around? Do they try to bring them up in conversation frequently? Do they become territorial over your crush’s attention? These could be signs of a crush.
But don’t read too much into harmless interactions. Your friend could just think your crush is cool and want to get to know them better as a friend. Assume good intentions until proven otherwise.
2. Have an Open Conversation
Once you have reason to believe your friend likes your crush, have a gentle conversation with them. Pick a private time when you are both alone, relaxed and not rushed.
Say something like “Hey, can I talk to you about something? I’ve noticed you seem interested in [crush’s name] and I have feelings for them. How do you feel about them?”
Give your friend room to honestly share their feelings. If they admit to liking your crush too, thank them for their honesty.
Don’t get angry or accusatory. By showing you can handle the situation maturely, your friend will feel safer being transparent and honest with you.
3. Set Healthy Boundaries
Just because you have feelings for the same person doesn’t mean you both can’t be respectful. Establish some boundaries you are both comfortable with when interacting with your shared crush.
Agree to avoid turning it into a competition or rivalry. Don’t try to one-up each other in pursuit of your crush’s attention. That will only breed resentment and strain your friendship.
Promise to celebrate each other’s wins and support each other if your crush ends up just wanting to be friends with either of you. Make a pact to not let a crush come between your friendship.
4. Find a Compromise with Shared Interests
If you both intend to pursue your romantic interest, look for acceptable compromises. Agree to give each other space when spending one-on-one with your crush. Set time limits on those interactions to keep things even.
You could also look for opportunities to all spend time together as friends first. Getting to know your crush as a group takes the pressure off individual interactions. It also prevents anyone from monopolizing their time.
As feelings develop, revisit your agreements. Adapt as needed so neither friend feels overlooked. With good faith from both sides, you can navigate this with maturity and sensitivity.
5. Consider Backing Off
If your friend’s crush seems stronger, consider letting them take the lead in pursuing romance. This may feel difficult since you have feelings too. But preserving the friendship should take priority over a relationship that might not happen.
Think through the pros and cons of putting your romantic feelings for your crush aside. Would you regret losing your friend or the potential relationship more? There will be other dating opportunities, but long-term friends are rare.
Make it clear you are stepping back for the friendship’s sake, not because you don’t have feelings. Mutual sacrifice to preserve the relationship can deepen your bond.
6. Appreciate Their Honesty
No matter how the situation resolves itself, don’t resent your friend for liking the same person. Attraction is natural and out of our full control. Appreciate their honesty and willingness to talk it out.
Handling this with maturity will only strengthen your friendship.
Seeing your friend happy will help your feelings evolve as well. You may even be able to celebrate their new relationship together someday without jealousy. Give each other grace and prioritize preserving your history.
7. When to Walk Away
In extreme cases, you may need to reevaluate a friendship where you both have unworkable feelings for the same person. If your attempts to set boundaries are ignored or disrespected, the relationship has become toxic.
A real friend should not sabotage you or make you feel bad for your feelings. Do not sacrifice your self-worth for someone who won’t compromise or empathize. Sometimes space is the only option.
But even then, don’t burn bridges. Explain that you need distance to refocus on your well-being. Keep the door open for reconciliation once feelings have changed. With effort on both sides, many friendships can recover from rocky patches.
Ways to Know if Your Friend Likes Your Crush
How can you tell for sure if your friend has a crush on the same person you like? Here are some subtle signs to look for:
- They get nervous, giddy, or touchy when your crush is around
- They always try to sit or stand next to your crush
- They laugh loudly and enthusiastically at all your crush’s jokes
- They find excuses to bring your crush up in conversation
- They fish for details whenever you mention interacting with your crush
- They get possessive or upset if their crush pays you more attention
- They primp or fix their hair/clothes when your crush is present
- They volunteer to pair up with your crush for activities or projects
Keep in mind these signs alone don’t necessarily mean your friend likes your crush. Some friends are just naturally outgoing and charismatic around everyone.
But if you notice multiple signals, it may indicate a deeper crush. Use your best judgment based on knowing your friend’s typical behavior.
How To Cope When Your Friend Likes Your Crush
Finding out a friend has feelings for your crush can be hard to accept. Here are some tips for coping mentally and emotionally:
- Let yourself feel your emotions – confusion, sadness, frustration – but don’t act on them rashly. Give yourself time and space to process it all.
- Confide in a few other trustworthy friends for support, but avoid bad-mouthing your friend with the crush. Don’t make the situation worse through gossip.
- Remind yourself your friend can’t control their feelings any more than you can control yours. Try to be empathetic even if it hurts.
- Refocus energy spent dwelling on the situation into self-care practices like exercise, hobbies, and time with other friends unrelated to your crush.
- Keep your confidence and self-esteem high by reminding yourself of your positive qualities that have nothing to do with this person’s attention.
- If needed, take a temporary break from one-on-one time with your friend to allow stinging emotions to subside before reconnecting as normal.
- Avoid posting vague, dramatic comments about it on social media. Venting online can spread negativity.
- Be patient with yourself and your friend. With time and space, hurt feelings from this surprise can pass.
Staying grounded will help you handle the situation maturely. You’ll get through this!
Final Thoughts
Discovering mutual feelings for the same person can be uncomfortable. But handling it with empathy, honesty, and compromise allows everyone to emerge wiser and closer.
Prioritize open communication, self-awareness, and preserving your friendship above all else. Even if that means giving up on your crush for the sake of staying friends.
With maturity and mutual care for the relationship, you can get through this difficult time together. Set an example for resolving tricky situations that make future issues easier to handle. Most importantly, don’t let a crush come between true friends.
