How do you know if you are being catfished? Do you constantly have suspicions about the person you are talking to online? It could be a seriously bad sign you’re falling victim to catfishing.
With social media and online dating apps becoming increasingly popular and more advanced. It’s easier than it ever was to create online profiles, build up a presence, add pictures and bio’s, and make connections with new people you’ve never met.
While these sites and apps are populated mostly by real people looking to make genuine connections with others. There is, however, an underlying problem lurking in the shadows.
While it is easy for anyone these days to make a new social media or dating profile. The same applies to bad actors and online predators. Catfishing, in particular, is becoming a serious problem, and not just for those looking for love.
The real issue with talking or communicating with anyone online is that you never truly know if they are who they say they are. Sure, you might put trust in their profile, their pictures, what they say, or their online presence. Or maybe even in the social media and dating services to ensure their identity.
But how do you genuinely know they are the real deal, and that you’re not just being catfished without realizing it?
What Is Catfishing?
Catfishing is when someone is in the act of creating or taking on a fake/false identity with the aim of luring people into friendships & relationships online.
The word “Catfish” basically refers to an online predator who will try to manipulate others into talking to them, while being deceptive about who they really are and hiding behind a fake or stolen persona.
The most common tactic of a “Catfish” is usually to create an appealing or attractive fake persona or profile. Then actively join communities, social media, and dating apps looking to make connections or allowing others to come to them.
Why Do People Catfish?
The real reasons people start catfishing are never good. Quite often they are lonely and looking to cultivate relationships with people they don’t feel/believe would be possible in real life.
Some catfish just want to feel wanted or needed by others. So getting attention from someone even through a fake persona can feel good and become a habit that’s hard to break from.
There is a much darker side to catfish or being catfished though. Sometimes a catfish’s expectations of you can go well beyond just talking or an online relationship.
Here are just some of the darker things a catfish might be looking for from you…
- You to send them money or expensive gifts
- Your personal or private information
- Pictures or material to blackmail you with
- Access so they can troll, abuse, or harass you
- Your location, so they keep tabs on you or potentially stalk you in person
While this does not even begin to scratch the surface of what is possible. It’s better to be safe than sorry, and ensure you are definitely not falling victim to catfishing online.
Here are some of the worrying signs you are being catfished online that you should look out for…
Signs You Are Being Catfished
1. They Made The First Move.
Did they start messaging you out of the blue? Are you unsure how you know them or how they even found your profile? Are they being seriously friendly and flirtatious from the get-go?
A common habit of a catfish is often to go looking for the person they want to dupe into an online relationship. Just like window shopping, they have you firmly pinned as the person they want to be talking to.
Catfish will also go to great lengths to learn a bit about you before your first conversation together. They will often make the first move and start talking or being friendly about your profile, your looks, and your interests. All the things they think you want to hear.
It’s a technique they want you to fall hook, line, and sinker for. This is exactly why it can be so convincing. Especially if they claim to know someone you know, or like the same things you like. It’s their attempt to create a rapport right out the gate.
2. There Is Something Off About Their Pictures.
Are you noticing something really strange about their pictures? Do they seem like professional or model photos? Are they always the only person in the photos? Do the photos seem old or like they were taken years apart from each other?
The chances are if you feel like there is something seriously off about the photos they are sharing with you. It’s probably because there is. We’re exposed to enough social media and dating profile images to know something is off.
When a catfish shares photo’s with you this can be a serious “Achilles Heel” for them to reveal. One of the easiest ways to discover a catfish is lying to you is to really dig into where the images they shared with you can be found online (If anywhere). Then see if the names and profiles you discover match up with them and their stories.
The easiest way to do this is to save the images they have sent you. Then conduct a Google reverse-image search “Search by image”. This will allow you to upload the photos to see where online they have appeared or been indexed by Google.
Quite often you might discover you are in fact, being catfished. They might have stolen the photos from someone who has absolutely no knowledge they are using them. They could be using the photos of a celebrity, a model, or even just someone else’s images they decided to save and share as their own.
If you can’t find any results looking up the images but you still have your suspicions. Continue reading the other signs for more indicators that they are indeed a catfish.
3. They Don’t Have Many Followers Or Friends.
Do their social media accounts lack friends or followers? Do they rarely interact with anyone that seems to know them, or hide their friend lists?
When someone is truly active on social media and actively posts or communicates with many other people they know. We all know what this looks like. They will post pictures, or status updates and have real friends or family commenting on them or liking their posts. They will also leave comments and like the posts of other people, they genuinely seem to know.
If the person you are talking to has a social media account, but it feels a bit like an empty shell of what everyone else’s is like. Then it’s probably a sign something fishy is going on.
Quite frequently when someone is catfishing. They will treat having social media like a tick box exercise. They will fill out the basic details, match their name to their story and other profiles, add some of the photos you may have already seen, and not much more.
If they don’t seem to have any friends or followers and their profile has been around for a while with posts dating back months or even years with little to no engagement from others. It’s a bad sign something is up.
4. Your Interests & Hobbies Match Too Closely.
Do they just happen to have the exact same hobbies as you? Are their posts and public comments all catering to your specific interests? Does their knowledge in the same hobbies or interests only begin to scratch the surface?
While it’s not that uncommon for people to share hobbies or interests. It becomes a little more suspect when it feels like it’s all the other person wants to talk to you about.
We often make it easy work for a catfish to figure out our likes and dislikes. On social media or even on dating profiles we might often list the things we are interested in doing or the hobbies we love to pursue.
In a catfish’s mind if this is the only thing you are revealing to them at face value. They will use this to try to build up a rapport with you and share something in common. This frequently falls under the category of them trying to say the things they think you want to hear.
If the person you are talking to online does not have their own interests, hobbies, or things they love to do. Then it should be cause for alarm. They are not trying to be an individual. They are trying to mold themselves to be just like you.
5. They Try To Progress The Relationship Quickly.
Are they trying to quickly progress the relationship each time you talk together? Are they pushy or demanding when it comes to their desired commitment from you? Do they expect far too much from you before having met them?
Many catfishing horror stories you may read online will reveal just how quickly things can progress or how fast the catfish will come on to their potential victims.
They will often use every trick in the book to pull on the person they are talking to’s heartstrings. All in an effort to move things along as quickly as possible so they can get themselves to the desired end result. Whether this is a fake loving relationship over the internet, or something more nefarious.
If they show no signs of slowing down and don’t listen to you when you say things are moving too quickly. Then this is a seriously bad sign you could be getting catfished.
No rational person would try so hard to rush an online relationship. Especially if the person they are talking to is not comfortable with how fast things are moving. A catfish would, however. They want to ensure their own time is not being wasted, even if it is at the expense of your own.
6. They Claim Not To Have Any Social Media Accounts.
Do you ask for their social media accounts, and they say they don’t have any? Are they making excuses for not using social media?
While having a social media account these days is by no means a guarantee of someone’s identity. It can be pretty alarming to hear that the person you just found on a dating app or by some other means does not have any active social media accounts.
In these modern times, it’s pretty uncommon for someone to have literally no social media presence. Even if they stopped using it, they might still have an old Facebook, Myspace, or Twitter account knocking around.
The fact is a catfish is not looking to add you on social media even if they did have one as they know what this could reveal about their deceit.
They are more likely to want to continue talking to you where you initially came into contact as they already think you are sold on their tall tales. Either that or they will attempt to get you onto a messaging app, where it reveals much less about them than a social media account ever would.
7. They Constantly Ask For Pictures Of You.
Do they constantly ask for new pictures of you but offer nothing in return? Are they attempting to ask you for risque photos? Do they ask for photos of you at certain locations?
With the invention of modern smartphones, it’s no surprise that everyone now has the ability to share pictures online and send photos of themselves to others. But this is usually a two-way street, you usually send as much as you receive. That’s kind of the trade-off. No matter the context of the images, innocent or otherwise.
However, if the person you are talking to online is constantly asking you for new photos, or even making requests. Then things could be getting a little creepy, especially if they are not willing to send anything back in return.
If you are planning to send someone online pictures of yourself, but feel something is suspect then stop right there! If you genuinely don’t know who this person really is and have never met them. Then there is no telling who you are really sending these images to.
Many catfishing horror stories involve people being tricked or manipulated into sending pictures of themselves to complete strangers. They might not seem like strangers as you might talk to them every day, but how do you really know? Do you have solid proof or just their word?
8. They Never Share New Pictures Of Themselves.
Do they refuse or make excuses about sending new photos of themselves to you? Are they claiming to not have a working camera, or feeling camera shy when it does not seem the case in the photos you’ve already seen of them?
Notoriously, a catfish will often have a hard time when it comes to sending you new photos of themself. When you ask to see new photos of what they look like, they will make excuses or try to change the subject while in conversation with you.
This is simply because if they have stolen the identity of others and are pretending to be someone else in their photos. They are fully reliant on the photos they have already shown you being believable, and would only be able to get new photos to share with you from the person whose identity they are imitating.
Simply put, this is why it’s soo common for many catfishing stories to involve the catfish sending or sharing only a small amount of images.
They will frequently borrow these images from models, celebrities, and other unsuspecting people who openly share images of themselves online.
They are not looking to get caught out, but still want to reel you in with a couple of appealing or attractive images of themselves. So quite often the images that they do use will be of attractive people, usually posing on their own in the photo.
They avoid sharing photos of ‘themself’ containing friends, family, or groups of people. As this only increases the chances of them getting caught red-handed.
9. They Avoid Phone/Video Calls Like The Plague.
Do you ask if you can call them and they refuse? Will they avoid any mention of video chatting or dodge any opportunity of revealing their voice or face in real time?
One seriously common habit for any catfish to reveal to you is their tendency to avoid anything relating to phone calls or video calls. They strictly want to stick to written communication or messaging and will use any excuse at their disposal to evade exposing their face or voice to you.
If they’re using a smartphone to talk to you. Then why can’t they just pick up the phone? If what they are saying to you in written form is all true, then why can’t they back this up with spoken words over the phone or on a video call?
The fact remains, that they possibly don’t want to agree to talk over the phone or on a video call because it will reveal their well-planned and executed lies to you.
They may look nothing like the photos they have shared with you, and may even have a voice that does not match up to their story or appears to sound like a different age or gender than you were expecting.
If the person you are talking to online avoids phone/video calls like the plaque. Question why they would be avoiding this, and why you are willing to make this commitment and they are avoiding it at all costs. There could be innocent reasoning behind it, or perhaps something a little more sinister.
10. They Ask For Money Or Gifts.
Have they started asking to borrow money? Are they requesting small loans or flat out asking for gifts from you?
This is where things can get a little more serious. If the person you have been talking to online starts dropping subtle hints that they need money, or flat out asks if they can borrow some from you. This could be a clear-cut sign they are catfishing.
Never send money to someone you’ve never met. No matter how small the amount may appear to be.
The ways in which Catfish choose to trick or dupe people are not always the same. There are those who are looking to build friendships or relationships online using a false identity and nothing more. Then those who are seeking to go a step further and manipulate others for their own financial means or ends.
You’d be surprised by how many people have fallen victim to catfishing over the years where the catfish was able to manipulate their victims into sending them large amounts of money.
Quite often these sums of money were sent in small amounts. However, over time this adds up and the catfish has duped someone into paying for their daily habits or lifestyle without them ever having met each other.
At this point, they are not such much a catfish as they are an experienced scam artist. They have mastered the art of manipulation and are well versed at getting someone to form an emotional attachment to them and their fake personas to enable the exchange of money and gifts to occur.
11. Their Story Doesn’t Add Up.
Do the stories they spin to you keep changing? Are they painting a picture of themselves using elaborate stories, but with no actual proof these are true?
When a catfish is trying to tug on your heartstrings by telling you stories to gain your trust or pity. The aim is always the same. They are looking to create a quick emotional connection with you which allows them to move things forward and enable more of a commitment from you and your time.
It doesn’t matter what they are saying to you. Whether this is about a potential romance, love, or relationship problems in their supposed life. Their real aim is to get the desired emotional reaction from you.
It’s a common trait for catfish to overshare personal details about themselves very early on. You may have only talked a few times and they are already telling you stories about childhood trauma, problems in love, and maybe even their financial issues. They are looking to keep you engaged and fully on the hook.
A lot of these stories can be well-rehearsed. They would have mapped them out in their head knowing what the possible reactions might be. This is where written communication works firmly in their favor. They have far more control over what they write to you, rather than talking over the phone where they would have less control over delivering a response they think you want to hear.
However, at times they can slip up even while writing messages to you. The stories might clash, or even contradict something you remember them saying earlier. This is a red flag you need to keep firmly on your radar.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking that if you are in fact being catfished, that you are the only person they are doing it to. One of the many common ways catfish can slip up in conversation or when telling stories is when they spin different stories to different people.
Why would they begin catfishing only one person when it would be so easy for them to tell the same or differing stories to someone else at the same time?
After all, if they are looking to dupe people into fake relationships or desire money from them. It’s rewarding for them to try this with multiple people and spread the risk of potential rejections, but also increase the chances of making new emotional connections with others.
12. They’re Reluctant To Meet In Real Life.
Do you ask to meet up, but they avoid making any plans or make excuses? Are they constantly making and breaking plans, or even standing you up and becoming a ‘no show’?
Meeting someone for the first time you’ve only ever talked to online can be a pretty nerve-wracking experience. You can feel flooded with feelings of excitement, anxiety, uncertainty, and trepidation about what might happen when you lay eyes on each other for the first time.
Despite all the nervous feelings, meeting someone you have talked to for a while and established a serious connection with should only ever be a good thing right? You finally get to know and see the real person behind the messages and pictures.
Well not quite, especially if you have serious doubts about the person you have been talking to and think they might be actively catfishing you.
While a catfish might use every trick in the book to keep the conversation going with you online. When it comes to you directly asking them to meet in person or sharing your desire to get to know them more face-to-face. This is where somebody catfishing you can become really unstuck.
They know for a fact that if they have been deceiving you by using somebody else’s pictures, or fake stories and lies. That upon meeting you all their deceitful behavior will be fully revealed to you. This is true whether the catfish genuinely has feelings for you or not.
This is the exact reason why they will make excuses, avoid conversations about meeting up, or even go as far as to agree to meet but stand you up and give you a further set of excuses why they couldn’t make it.
If you find yourself trying to arrange a meeting between you and somebody you are talking to online and they are actively avoiding it like the plague. You should seriously consider all the signs that show you may be getting catfished.
If you do have plans to meet someone you met online, but you still have serious doubts about who they really are and whether they might actually be catfishing you. Ensure to discuss this with close friends and family, and don’t be afraid to take someone with you to the planned meeting place. Play it safe first and foremost and ensure they are genuinely the same person you have been talking to online.
13. They Ask For Your Personal Details.
Do they ask you for things like your home address or details about your friends and family? Have they tried to ask you for passwords or login information to your social accounts, or more seriously your online banking?
When sharing things online we can usually be pretty open when it comes to letting people know whereabouts we live, where we go each day, or revealing more and more of the things we get up to in our daily lives.
It’s in our nature to want to share what’s going on in our world. It paints a picture of who we really are, and what we are truly about.
However, when it comes to catfish this can sometimes be something they are counting on. Especially if the motives for them trying to catfish you are pretty sinister in nature.
If the person you are talking to online is having a conversation with you and begins asking you for your exact home address, or personal details about where exactly you live. This could be a seriously bad sign. You should consider why they are asking you this. What’s the motive here? Even if they say it’s so they can send you a letter or a gift, is that really the true reason?
You should seriously try to avoid sharing any personal information openly anywhere online. This still fully applies to people you have never met in person. Until you genuinely know who this person really is, there is no telling what they might need this information for or how it may be used or abused.
Other things you should seriously avoid sharing with someone online you have doubts about include:
- Confidential information about you or your identity.
- Detailed information about friends or family.
- Financial information – Bank account numbers, loans, credit or debit cards, etc.
- Password and Login Information – Social Media, Email, Banking, etc.
- Your schedule – Where you will be each day, exact locations, when you’re home alone & when nobody will be home, etc.
- Work information – Details about where exactly you work, grievances with colleagues or work events, etc.
These are just some of the things that you should avoid sharing with someone you think could be potentially catfishing you.
Never share any of these with someone you do not genuinely know or have not met in person. While this can be hard as the conversation might flow freely, always try to keep these ‘things never to share’ firmly locked in the back of your mind.
14. They Change When You Tell Them Your Suspicions.
Have you tried to confront them about your suspicions and things not adding up? Do they become angry or upset if you accuse them of being a catfish, or hostile when you feel they are not being genuine with you?
One of the hardest things to do when you have doubts or suspicions about someone you are talking to online is to call them out on it. This is especially true if you feel there is a chance you could be wrong and you have been talking to this person for a while.
You are not only battling with the thoughts or feelings of potentially being in the wrong but also the chance you could be right and the consequences this would have for you both when continuing conversation or having an ongoing relationship.
When it comes to having doubts about the person you are talking to online really being the person that they say they are. Don’t be afraid to trust your intuition. You might have matched them against some of the signs or red flags and have a serious gut feeling something is off or not quite right about them or what they are saying to you.
The worst possible thing for a catfish to hear is that they have been rumbled by you. Knowing that the jig is up and you are beginning to see things for what they really are can often provoke a sudden change in behavior. You might receive a severe reaction from them and notice a sudden change in character.
They might become anxious, scared, or angry at the thought of no longer having you to talk to because of their lies being revealed. But it’s fully on them to prove who they really are within the scope of their own actions to you.
Any genuine person who cares about you or your feelings would do everything in their power to put your mind at ease, or prove your suspicions to be false or unfounded. They would also at least try to understand why you have these feelings or thoughts about them not being genuine and try to move past it.
A catfish on the other hand would meet your accusations of them not being genuine or lying with hostility in most cases. They might try to blame you for feeling this way, make excuses, but offer nothing more to put your mind at ease or prove they are being genuine with you.
They might have been the friendliest person in the world to you. But when the accused start to completely change their character and lash out at your attempts to convey your suspicions to them. This is a really bad sign, and often only means one thing. They are hiding something.
15. It Seems Too Good To Be True.
Do the things they say to you sound a little too perfect? Are they making promises to you that seem way too far-fetched or unobtainable?
This old adage could not be more true when you feel or have suspicions you might be dealing with a catfish.
If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
Does every picture they share with you of themselves look soo perfectly modeled and flawless? Do they seem to say exactly what you wanted or needed to hear at the exact moment you desired to hear it? Does everything about them perfectly match the person you’ve been looking for?
The fact is, the chances of all these stars aligning perfectly are often very slim. Nobody on earth is without their own flaws or imperfections. This is exactly what makes us all soo ‘Real!’
If they tick every box and everything seems far too good to be true. It’s probably because it is. You’ve either won the relationship lottery and found your perfect match, or somebody that is pretending to be your perfect match has found you.
If the person you have been talking to always seems so perfect, but still matches some of the red flags or bad signs you are being catfished. Stop right there!
Really question what exactly is happening. Is this person the real deal? Are they really this perfect? And what proof do you really have that all of the things they are saying or sharing with you are actually tied to a real person?
If you come up short and notice how something seems really off! It’s time to take some action and get to the bottom of whether or not this person is actually being genuine with you.
That perfect person you are talking to could in fact be a catfish.
Conclusion
When noticing the signs you are being catfished. It’s always important to take a step back from what is happening and really focus on the bigger picture.
Considering the possibility that you may be being catfished is never going to be easy. But if you constantly have doubts or suspicions these will likely not go away until you resolve them.
The only way in which to resolve the suspicions that what is happening may be deceitful is to really keep tabs on what the other person is doing while you are in conversation together.
Ask yourself things like…
- What have you seen? (Pictures, Profiles, Their Friends or Family, etc.)
- What have they said & shared with you? (Pictures, Stories, Problems, etc.)
- What have they found issues with or made excuses for? (Phone calls, Video Calls, Meeting Up etc.)
- What are they asking for from you? (Commitment, Information, Passwords, etc.)
- What promises are they making and breaking? (Promising to Call, Meet Up, Love & Relationships)
Once you have asked yourself some of these key questions and really built up a map in your head of what exactly you have seen, talked about, and been asked for or promised by this person. Only then will you fully understand why you have these suspicions or doubts about them.
The next step is to confront this person about the exact doubts you have about them. You do not have to come right out and say “I think you’re catfishing me!” but instead pose questions to them about the things you really do not believe about what they are saying, asking, and sharing with you.
Using many of the signs you are being catfished in this post should help you identify the common habits or characteristics of a catfish. However, the biggest revealer of somebody who’s currently catfishing you will always be based on their actions and what they are actively saying to you.
Don’t believe everything you hear or see. Trust your gut and your intuition!