When you are in a relationship with your boyfriend, it can be seriously difficult to tell him that something is bothering you. You might be annoyed by his bad habits, or have concerns about something he has said or done you do not fully agree with.
Whatever it might be, it’s always going to be hard to figure out how exactly to tell him and open up to him about how you truly feel.
There can be a wide range of things that can begin to bother you whilst you are in a relationship with your boyfriend.
Whether these are things he is doing, the way he acts towards you or others, or his daily habits in general. Or perhaps it’s something that is completely unrelated to him but annoys or concerns you just as much.
The fact is there are countless things that can begin to bother you whilst in a relationship with him. Many of these issues are unavoidable and are increasingly difficult to bring up or speak about in relationships.
The good news is that there are many solutions to these things that are bothering you whilst in a relationship with your boyfriend.
The real key is finding a way to communicate effectively with him and to open up about how you genuinely feel about the things that are bothering you.
How To Tell Your Boyfriend That Something Is Bothering You
So how do you begin telling your boyfriend that something is bothering you?
The main goal when you are speaking to your boyfriend is to find a good solution to the problems at hand and solve what is bothering you together.
If you are annoyed, angry, or concerned, you need to find a way to share these feelings with your boyfriend.
You also need to deliver what you say to him in an open and honest way. Try not to hide real feelings, and also be prepared to listen and be considerate to his side of things.
Sharing what is bothering you with your boyfriend, and listening to his thoughts and feelings on that matter will go a long way towards finding a real solution.
1. Find The Perfect Time To Talk
The first step towards telling your boyfriend that something is bothering you is choosing the perfect time to talk. You need to ensure you’re both ready to communicate and discuss the things that are bothering you.
When your boyfriend is distracted or is not giving you his full attention. It’s probably best to wait and plan or arrange a better time to talk to him.
Choosing a bad time to talk could result in your real feelings not coming across clearly. Your boyfriend might also feel under pressure to respond at that moment, or he may not have the time to give you the answers you are looking for.
Finding the perfect time to talk to him is going to be seriously important. It’s the only way that you can ensure you are both ready to chat and give each other the time that you need.
2. Bring Up What Is Bothering You
Now that you have your boyfriend’s attention, or you are in the middle of a conversation with him. It’s time to bring up what is genuinely bothering you.
You need to tell him what is bothering you, and also be honest about your thoughts or concerns on that matter. Don’t hide your true feelings, or make hints about the issue whilst in conversation with him.
He needs to know the real things that are bothering you. When you tell him and open up, it’s the only way you can resolve the issue and work on a solution together.
3. Stay Calm
Always try to remain calm when you are telling your boyfriend about the things that are bothering you.
You need to speak to him in a calm or conversational tone, otherwise, this may make it easy for the conversation to escalate into an argument or become heated.
While talking you can take a moment to breathe, relax and try to remain calm as best you can. Sitting down somewhere you feel comfortable with your boyfriend will also help the atmosphere to remain calm or more relaxed.
[Read: How To Talk To Your Boyfriend When You Are Upset With Him]
Also, don’t be afraid to take a break from the conversation if things get a little too much. You might both need time to re-evaluate what has been said or think up a good solution to approach in the conversation together.
4. Share Your Real Feelings
It’s important when talking to your boyfriend that your real feelings are clear. Try not to hide how you genuinely feel about the things that are bothering you, or you may never actually resolve the issues at hand.
Open up fully to your boyfriend, and discuss why the things that are bothering you are affecting your feelings or mood. He needs to learn and discover the full picture, so never lie or hide real feelings from him.
5. Try Not To Involve Your Emotions
Never allow your emotions to dictate how the conversation goes with your boyfriend. If you feel angry, or sad, try your best not to enable these emotions to mask the true intention behind your words and what is bothering you.
If you approach the conversation in an angry or pointed tone. This may result in your boyfriend becoming defensive and never being willing to tackle or help you with the things that are concerning you.
Keep a good hold on your emotions, and don’t allow how you feel towards him to dictate the outcome of the conversation.
6. Open Up To Him
The only way to get your boyfriend to realize that something is bothering you is to fully open up to him. Otherwise, he might not realize the concerns or problems you are having and believe everything’s alright.
If you want your boyfriend to realize or acknowledge that something is really bothering you, the only answer is to open up fully and discuss in detail the things that bother you.
7. Be Clear Of The Desired Outcome
Before you start talking to your boyfriend, you should think about what exactly it is that you want to be the desired outcome.
Do you want your boyfriend to try to change something he is doing, stop certain habits, treat you differently, or just acknowledge that something is bothering you?
Whatever it might be. It’s important to have a clear goal in mind or end result you would like to see before the conversation with him.
You can even tell your boyfriend about the desired outcome to make your intentions clear. Let him know how small changes could stop something bothering you constantly if you work on it together in the relationship.
8. Clear Your Mind Of Additional Negativity
When you’re having a conversation with him try not to include any additional negativity that may have taken hold in your mind.
Perhaps you’ve had a bad day, or other things going on in your life have affected your mood. Try not to let this affect you or influence how you tell your boyfriend that something bothers you.
Your whole focus should only be on tackling that one thing that is bothering you at that moment. Don’t bring up past relationship problems, prior arguments, or other things affecting your mood that he may have no control over.
Keep the conversation on point, and exactly about the things you are trying to fix that are bothering you.
9. Allow Your Boyfriend Time To Open Up
It’s important that during the conversation with him, you are fully willing and prepared to allow him time to open up. He needs to share his side of the story after all, and give his viewpoint or opinion on why he believes certain things could be bothering you.
Be patient, and allow him time to open up to you always. Hearing his side of things will reveal the bigger picture to you. It allows you to evaluate exactly how to move things forward with him.
10. Listen To His Feelings
Just like you, your boyfriend may also be upset, sad, angry, and have his own concerns about the things that have been happening. It’s seriously important to listen to the real feelings he is sharing with you.
You might learn that just like you, he’s also been waiting for an opportunity to have a conversation about his honest feelings. Never ignore or disregard his feelings on the matter at hand.
His emotions when you are talking to him will reveal a lot about how exactly he feels about the things you are telling him. You can also spot the red flags he is not taking you seriously or doesn’t really care about these things you are talking about in conversation with him.
11. Avoid Making The Conversation One-Sided
Never make the conversation with your boyfriend about the things that are bothering you one-sided. If you do this, and he feels like everything is just about you. He might become guarded, or avoid opening up to you fully.
You need to tell or show him that you’re fully willing to hear his side of the story. If he has a different opinion on the things he does that bother you, you need to hear him out.
Try not to dominate the conversation with your own thoughts and feelings or make it feel like a full-on attack. Your goal is to solve these issues, and this can only be done with both sides working together and having a voice.
12. Don’t Allow Things To Escalate Into An Argument
It can be hard not to argue depending on the situation or the kind of things being brought up in conversation. However, never allow you talking to him to escalate into a full-blown argument.
If either of you can feel yourself getting angry or heated, it’s important to spot this and take a break before things escalate. Knowing when to take a breather away from conversation can be a valuable tool when you are trying to solve problems in a relationship.
[Read: How To Tell Your Boyfriend You Need Space]
When you can spot beforehand that the conversation is going in the wrong direction, or the words each of you are saying are having a bad effect on one another. It’s important to know exactly when to stop and pick up the conversation later when you’ve both had a chance to calm down and reflect.
13. Realize It Can Take Time
You can’t expect your boyfriend to change overnight and the same is true when it comes to the things you find that may bother you.
Solving or finding solutions to the things that are bothering you could take a few days or weeks to take effect.
If the things that bother you concern your boyfriend’s habits, behavior, or how he treats you. Then allow him time to make a change or for your words to sink in and have an impact.
Also, realize that one conversation may not be enough. You may need to have multiple conversations about what is bothering you with your boyfriend to really make the message clear.
14. Suggest Ways He Can Stop Things Bothering You
Before you talk to your boyfriend it’s a good idea to come up with some suggestions on the ways he can stop things bothering you.
Similar to your desired outcome, you should also have in mind some of the changes you think your boyfriend should make to help things not to bother you. Or changes you can both make to aid the situation.
Making a mental list of suggestions will help ensure the conversation does not lead to a dead end. You can pose questions relating to your suggestions, and discuss how your ideas could solve many of the problems you are having.
15. Work On A Solution Together
Your desired outcome should always be to work on a solution together with your boyfriend. Solving issues in a relationship can only be achieved when both sides are willing to work together jointly on a problem.
Once you have explained the things that are bothering you and listened to your boyfriend’s point of view. It’s always important to lead to conversation towards solving the issues together.
Your boyfriend might help reveal some things you have overlooked or be able to make you understand why things shouldn’t bother you from his point of view.
Whatever happens, don’t try to solve the issues on your own. Your best hope of stopping anything that bothers you in the relationship is to keep communication at the forefront and work together on the problems.
Should I Tell My Boyfriend If Something Bothers Me?
Yes, you should always tell your boyfriend if something is bothering you while in a relationship. If their actions, habits, or behavior affect the relationship you have together. You should not feel afraid, guilty, or bad for telling them.
Telling them that something bothers you is never going to be easy. However, you should never feel bad for talking to him about your real feelings.
You should leave blame to one side, and focus solely on communicating the issues at hand. The goal will always be to solve these problems together and communication is the key.
In a healthy relationship, you should always be prepared or willing to tackle issues and problems head-on. If something bothers you about them or their behavior. It is crucial to be honest and fully open about your thoughts and feelings.
Relationships are built on trust, and trust can only grow in a relationship when you are fully honest with one another. So always tell your boyfriend if something is bothering you, and tackle or discuss these problems together openly.
How To Tell Your Boyfriend Something Bothers You Over Text?
Here are some of the ways you can begin to tell your boyfriend that something is bothering you over text.
While texting him may not be the best way to communicate all the things that are bothering you in detail. If you choose your words or what you say to him carefully, you can begin to send a clear and constructive message to him over text.
Letting him know over text about the things that are bothering you is the first step in the road to finding a solution and solving the problem.
1. Be Clear With Him About What Is Bothering You
Be open, clear, and honest with him about the things that are bothering you. Explain over text exactly what is bothering you and try to include as much detail as you can.
If you make the effort to clearly explain your side of the story and give him all the details about how it makes you feel. Your boyfriend will have a much better understanding and it will help him to reply or consider your points of view.
2. Avoid Conversation Traps Or Texting Pitfalls
When you are texting your boyfriend about something that bothers you. It can be surprisingly easy to fall victim to many different kinds of conversation traps or texting pitfalls.
Simply because texting someone you are in a relationship with is just not the same as face to face conversation or communication.
When you are texting him about your problems, your feelings, or the things you think he could be doing wrong and needs to change. Much of what you are texting to him is reliant on him correctly interpreting your messages.
Unlike face to face interaction, and talking about your problems in a person with your boyfriend. He or you do not have the opportunity to read body language, social queues, or gauge how each other are truly feeling in that moment.
This can allow the misreading of messages to occur and can result in you or him saying things you don’t mean. Or just generally confusing each other with feelings and thoughts.
The main conversation traps and pitfalls to avoid whilst texting him are:
- Giving each other the opportunity to misunderstand or misinterpret what is being said over text.
- Sending messages that appear cold, impersonal, blunt, or lacking in emotion.
- Sending messages when you are tired, lack sleep, or are in a bad mood.
- Holding an expectation of instant responses or replies.
- Missing out on important details and expecting the other person to guess the true meaning or your intentions.
- Picking the wrong time to share sarcasm or jokes at the other person’s expense.
These are just a few of the traps or pitfalls many couples fall victim to in a relationship while texting.
They show that it can be seriously difficult to communicate effectively over text alone while in a relationship. Much of the real meaning in your messages can be lost in translation and misunderstood.
[Read: What To Do When Your Boyfriend’s Not Calling Or Texting?]
When texting, be aware of how he will view your message. Be clear with what you are trying to say to him, and give considered or thoughtful replies. Try not to hold an expectation that everything will be resolved over text messages alone.
3. Try To Remain Calm
While you are texting him about the things that are bothering you. It’s seriously important to try and remain calm and keep your cool as best you can.
Depending on the situation or the issues you are trying to solve. You might feel annoyed, angry, or upset by the things he is doing or saying. This can make it very easy for things to boil over, and allow negativity to rule the conversation.
Remaining calm while you are texting him will allow you to stay composed and focus on what needs to be said. It will allow you to concentrate fully on the points you are trying to make and help ensure these are clear and understood.
Don’t allow the real intention of your text messages to be drowned out by negativity or negative comments. This may prevent a real solution from being found, and dash any hope of finding a mutually agreed resolution with your boyfriend.
4. Keep The Conversation With Him Constructive
The purpose of texting your boyfriend about the things that are bothering you should always be to solve these issues. Keeping the conversation with him constructive, and offering up ideas for possible solutions is the best way to do this.
Before texting him, it’s a good idea to come up with a way to approach the conversation in a constructive way. Your intention is the solve the issues at hand, whilst not assigning blame or being mean to your boyfriend.
If your boyfriend can see you are trying to keep the conversation with him constructive and you’re looking for a solution to move things forward. He might be more willing or prepared to open up on the issue or give his side of the story and possible solutions.
5. Be Honest About What You Think Needs To Change
If you think that big changes need to be made in your relationship with your boyfriend to stop things from bothering you. You need to be honest and open about the things affecting you in the relationship.
Tell him exactly what you think needs to change. Also why you think these changes would improve things and make the situation better.
However, do not place all of the blame or burden when it comes to making these changes on your boyfriend. You are a team and need to work on making changes in the relationship together.
6. Give Yourself Time To Think Before Replying
When you are texting your boyfriend about things that bother you. It’s important that you give yourself time to think and consider what he is saying to you in reply.
This is especially true if the things he replies to you with were not fully expected, or come from a viewpoint that needs more consideration on your side.
Try to re-evaluate everything he saying to you before responding. He might also be trying to open up or reveal more of his side of the story.
If you make snap judgments or give reactionary replies to his text messages. This may prevent him from being prepared to listen or reveal more of his viewpoint on the real issues at play in your relationship.
7. Realize That Some Things Are Better Said In Person
You can start a conversation over text with your boyfriend. However, you may soon realize that some things are better said in-person to help you get the message across.
Face-to-face conversation with your boyfriend is always going to feel more natural than trying to convey all of your message and concerns over text alone.
When you speak to your boyfriend in person. You both have the opportunity to read into each other’s emotions and feelings. You can better understand how your words are having an effect, and judge if any meaningful change is possible.
Body language will also offer you some clues to how your message is being received by your boyfriend. You can’t observe his body language or mannerisms over text. So speaking in person has its benefits for you and solving the things that are bothering you.
If you can’t find a solution to these problems over text. It’s best to arrange a time to meet up and have a deep conversation with your boyfriend.
Send him the main outline of how you’re feeling and the things that are bothering you over text. Then ask him to meet you in person.
This way you are both prepared to have a face-to-face conversation ahead of time. You can both consider the best way to work towards a real solution and solve what is bothering you.