Telling your boyfriend that you need space is never going to be easy. Everything seemed to have been going good in the relationship or whilst dating him, but now you feel like you need your own space away from him.
It’s not uncommon to have a sudden feeling of needing space away from your boyfriend or partner. There can be many different reasons for needing space away from a relationship.
You may realize that you need space and time to:
- Re-evaluate the relationship with your boyfriend
- Focus on yourself for a while
- Allow yourself time for healing
- Give yourself time to make a big or life-changing decision
- Allow your boyfriend some time to change or fix some things
- Fix and change some of the ways you approach the relationship with him
- Allow time for arguments or quarrels to settle between you and your boyfriend
Whatever the reason might be. It’s important that you tell him you need some space in a way that does not hurt his feelings or make an already bad situation much worse.
It’s also important that you are not telling him you need space for all the wrong reasons. Such as wanting to spend time with someone else, or as an excuse to end the relationship with him.
You need to be truthful and have the best intentions always.
You also need to take this time to focus on yourself and hold a belief that your reasons for needing space away from your boyfriend are justified. Your boyfriend also needs to be able to understand why you need some space and respect your reasons for this.
So how do you actually go about telling your boyfriend you need space without hurting his feelings, and whilst avoiding making him confused or upset?
How Do I Tell My Boyfriend I Need Space?
To tell your boyfriend you need space you have to be clear in your intentions and let your reasons and your feelings be known clearly. You need to be honest with him about what it is that you need. Never leave any room for confusion or doubt, and don’t feel guilty if it’s what you truly need right now in the relationship.
You also need to take onboard his feelings, stay calm, and leave any blame to one side. The real aim regardless of your reasons for needing space is to focus on yourself and recharge.
You need space away from your boyfriend so that some things can be repaired, healed, or improved using this time apart. It might also allow you time to see some things more clearly in the relationship that you share with him.
1. Be Clear About Your Intentions
When you tell your boyfriend you need space away from the relationship. You need to be clear in your intentions and reasons for needing space or time away from him.
If your goal is to repair the relationship with him or allow yourself time to heal or focus on things going on in your life. Let this be known clearly, and don’t leave any room for him to second guess or doubt your true reasons for needing space.
2. Keep Your Feelings Known
If you feel upset, hurt, emotionally drained or put under pressure by him. Always try to keep your real feelings known and tell your boyfriend exactly how you feel.
Try not to bottle up your true feelings about why you may need or want some time apart. How you feel will be the driving force behind your decision making, and you need to be honest with your boyfriend about how you genuinely feel.
3. Take Onboard His Opinions
Be prepared to take on board or discuss your boyfriend’s opinions about you needing space or time apart. He might disagree or agree that finding some time away from each other for a while is a good idea.
However, you still need to hear his side of the story. Your boyfriend’s opinions or perspective might reveal something you need to know, and may help you make the ultimate decision that some time apart may be good for you both.
4. Ask Him For His Feelings
You need to ask your boyfriend about his feelings and get him to open up. Just like you, he may also feel upset, drained, or put under pressure by the things that are happening in your relationship and in his life.
[Read: The Signs That Your Boyfriend Is Really In Love With You]
If you discover his true feelings and these closely match yours. It could be a good indication that some time apart might be good for you both.
5. Deeply Consider His Feelings
Now that you know his true feelings, you need to deeply consider what it all means and how you can use this time and space apart to repair or heal some of the things happening in your relationship.
Many things can be fixed or repaired quickly just by communicating effectively. However, sometimes for a relationship to heal or flourish it can take some time.
6. Stay Calm Always
When you telling your boyfriend you need space. There is always going to be a good chance the conversation can become heated or argumentative.
[Read: How To Talk To Your Boyfriend When You Are Upset With Him?]
Always try your best to remain calm, and approach the conversation with him in a calm tone. Otherwise much of what you have to say will be lost in translation and may lead your boyfriend to believe you need space for all the wrong reasons.
7. Don’t Argue About It
Always try to avoid having arguments when you tell your boyfriend you need some space. If you argue, it will only serve to mask the real message you are trying to convey to him.
Having arguments about needing space will only ever make you both feel upset, emotionally drained, or unhappy. It’s definitely not a good way to part from each other, or begin spending some time apart.
8. Be Clear It’s Not A Breakup
If breaking up is not on the cards and this is never going to be your true intention. You need to ensure your boyfriend knows this, and be clear that you finding space away from him is not a breakup.
Quite often when telling your partner you need space. This can be read by them as you looking for an ‘out’ of the relationship. Don’t fall into this relationship trap and be sure your boyfriend knows your real intentions and feelings.
9. Don’t Blame Him
Even if some of the reasons for you needing space away from your boyfriend are because of him or the things he is doing. Don’t pass all the blame or make it seem like everything is his fault.
You need to make this all about you, and what you need right now. Make everything about your feelings or thoughts. Don’t put all the blame on your boyfriend as this will only ever hurt his feelings or perhaps jeopardize the relationship.
10. Set Some Boundaries
Setting boundaries when telling your boyfriend you need space is going to be seriously important. These boundaries need to be something you both agree on that allows you both to have some time apart to heal, work on things, and recharge.
If you never set solid boundaries when finding space or time apart. Then you will never truly find the space you need to fix some of the things happening in the relationship or your life.
11. Plan When You’ll Talk To Him Next
It’s also important when asking your boyfriend for space that you give him an idea of when you will plan to see each other again.
Leaving it open-ended is not a good call, as it will only ever introduce uncertainty or confusion around whether or not you are still actually in a relationship with him.
Leave no room for your boyfriend to doubt that you are still committed to him. Plan a date or time in the future when you want to meet up or talk to him again and set this in stone.
12. Don’t Feel Guilty If It’s What You Need
Never feel guilty if finding space is what you really need right now. Telling your boyfriend you need some space is not a crime and does not make you a bad person or partner.
If it’s what you need and your intentions are true, you should never attach guilt to telling your boyfriend how you genuinely feel. Especially if your overall aims are to repair, heal, or fix something that is happening for the sake of your relationship together.
More Ways To Tell Him You Need Space Without Hurting Him
If you are trying to tell your boyfriend you need space, but don’t want to hurt his feelings. Here are some more ways to tell him you need your own space without hurting or upsetting him.
1. Make It Clear It’s What You Need
Be clear with him that it’s what you genuinely need right now. Make a case for finding space away from each other that is considered and clearly understood by him.
Always try to focus on how you feel, your thoughts, your feelings and never assign the blame or the reasons for needing space solely on your boyfriend.
2. Tell Him You Hope Things Will Improve
Let him know what you hope this time and space apart will achieve for your relationship together. Set some goals and work towards them.
If you believe some time apart might be good for you both and bring you closer together. He needs to know this.
If your aim is to allow each other time to heal, fix things, or recharge. Be sure your boyfriend knows this, and the aim or end result is clear in your mind and his.
3. Don’t Expect Him To Change Overnight
Never expect your boyfriend to change overnight. If some of the reasons you need space are because of your boyfriend’s behavior, or the things he is doing. Don’t expect everything to change in only a few days.
Be clear with how you feel and concentrate on taking the small steps of improvement you need in your relationship together. Never allow him to carry to full burden of change that needs to happen in your relationship.
4. Give Him Assurances He’s Still Your Boyfriend
Offer your boyfriend assurances that you needing space does not mean the relationship is coming to an end. Let him know how you feel and that you truly care for him.
If your intentions for finding space are to fix or repair the relationship. Giving your boyfriend assurances of your commitment is going to be seriously important to ensure he doesn’t second guess your reasons or motives for finding space.
The Common Signs That You Need Your Own Space
What are the common signs you need some space or need to take a break away from your boyfriend?
While there are many obvious signs that taking some time to reflect or recharge may be the best thing for you both right now in the relationship.
Here are the signs that will make it clear that finding some space might be good for you both.
1. You Seem To Fight All The Time
You frequently argue and have fights over seemingly pointless things. These constant quarrels make your relationship stressful and there is no end in sight.
2. You Feel Like You’re Being Controlled
It feels like you’re being controlled or are not allowed to live your life the way you want to live it. He frequently gets jealous or confrontational if you do anything against his wishes.
3. Communication Feels Non-Existent
You rarely have any kind of meaningful conversation with him and communication in the relationship feels non-existent.
[Read: The Signs Your Boyfriend Isn’t Really In Love With You]
You also can’t remember the last time you had a heart to heart or a deep conversation together.
4. You’re Busy And Don’t Have Time For Him
Your life is far too busy right now and you’re struggling to juggle the relationship with him along with everything else. You also find it hard to arrange time together, plan date nights, and spend quality time with him.
5. You Feel Like His Friend, Not His Girlfriend
You feel far too much like his best friend rather than his girlfriend. The relationship lacks intimacy or romance, and you spend most of your time together doing things close friends would do in their free time.
6. You Feel Like You’re Losing Yourself
You feel like your losing yourself whilst in the relationship with him and you need some time to re-evaluate what is happening. You feel emotionally drained or stressed out by him and the relationship as a whole.
You also feel like you need time to recharge and reflect on what is happening that is making you feel this way in the relationship.
Reasons Why You Need Your Own Space
There can be many reasons why you need to find your own space away from your boyfriend. Perhaps you want to take a breather, fix something that is happening in the relationship, or allow yourself time to consider if he is really the one.
Whatever it may be, the real aim of finding space is always going to be for it to have a real or effective impact on your relationship and how you approach it.
Maybe you really want to go back to the honeymoon period of your relationship together or make him realize exactly what he is missing without you around.
Whatever it might be. Always be certain that your real reasons for finding space are considered deeply, and that there is an end goal in sight.
Here are some of the reasons why you need your own space:
1. Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder
The saying “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” might sound cliché especially when it comes to finding space away from your boyfriend. However, it’s believed to hold some truth and real value for relationships.
When you are apart from your boyfriend for a period of time. You will both grow to miss each other and realize the extent of intimacy or connection that has developed between you both.
There is also that chance that you may feel more affection for one another when you are reunited. This shows that some time apart can be a powerful tool to use when it comes to rekindling closeness or intimacy in a relationship.
2. He’ll Learn How To Miss You
If you usually spend a lot of time together in the relationship, but now you’re finding your own space and being absent from your boyfriend’s life. He may grow to miss you deeply.
We miss seeing the faces of those we are close to. We also miss being intimate and affectionate with the ones we love. A good reason to find space away from your boyfriend is so that he can learn what it means to genuinely miss you.
3. He’ll Realise The Little Things You Do For Him
Another reason to tell your boyfriend you need space is so that he can realize and acknowledge all of the little things you do for him.
If you are a big part of your boyfriend’s life and do many things for him that improve his lifestyle or make his life easier and more comfortable. When you are not around he will begin to take notice.
[Read: 10 Easy Tips To Make Him Addicted To You]
He’ll begin to realize how much you actually do for him on a daily basis, or how you always actively try to give him a helping hand.
He’ll also notice a hole has appeared in his life and it’s only something that can be filled or taken up by you.
4. It Gives You Time To Heal And Recharge
One of the main reasons you might want to tell your boyfriend you need space is because you need this time to heal or recharge your batteries.
Relationships can take their toll on the best of people, and this especially true if some things in your relationship have gone wrong, become very stressful, or require extra time for healing.
Even in healthy relationships, it’s important to find your own space or periods of time away from your partner. So use this time effectively to recharge or reflect on how you can improve your relationship with him.
5. You Can Work On Yourself
A key reason for finding space away from your boyfriend may be so that you can fully focus on yourself.
You may have some things going on in your life that really need your full attention, or there may be areas of yourself that you wish to work on or actively improve.
Whatever it might be, never feel guilty for asking your boyfriend for space so that you can work on yourself. It may give you the time that you truly need right now.
6. You’ll Fall In Love All Over Again
If you feel like love or affection is deteriorating in your relationship with him. Finding space apart may actually make you both realize how much you genuinly love one another.
Using this mutually agreed time apart you may actually come to realize how much you do love and have feelings for him. You might realize that he is the one and a future with your boyfriend is what you truly desire.
All it takes is finding some space or time apart to make you acknowledge the things that are seriously important in your life.
