Meeting your boyfriend’s family for the first time is when the relationship really starts to get serious. It can be a big deal and make you feel on edge or nervous because you want to make a great first impression.
But what do you do when you feel like your boyfriend’s family doesn’t like you? Are these thoughts just in your head, or is there some truth behind what you are feeling?
No matter how large or small your boyfriend’s family is you will always want to get along. Not only because you can see a future with your boyfriend, but because you want to feel accepted with open arms by his family.
So what are the unfortunate signs your boyfriend’s family doesn’t like you? And how do you begin spotting them so that you can try to fix things before they get worse?
The Signs Your Boyfriend’s Family Doesn’t Like You
When you start to feel like your boyfriend’s family doesn’t like you or they are showing their disapproval of the relationship. It’s important to first know how to spot the tell-tale signs.
The things his family says, do, and don’t do will all reveal what is really happening. As well as how your boyfriend begins to act towards you.
Here are the signs your boyfriend’s family doesn’t like you and disapproves of the relationship.
1. He Doesn’t Tell You What His Family Thinks About You
If your boyfriend knows that his family doesn’t like you. Then he’s unlikely to tell you the truth. He will avoid your questions about what his family thinks of you, and dodge telling you openly about the comments they make about you.
2. He’s Getting More Distant Towards You
Due to the disapproving feedback from his family, he may start getting more distant from you. Either because he doesn’t want you to know, or he needs space and time to consider what his family is telling him about you.
3. He Avoids Your Calls And Texts Around His Family
Your boyfriend avoids answering your calls and replying to your texts when he’s with his family. Because he knows what they think about you, and he doesn’t want them quizzing him about who he’s talking to.
[Read: What To Do When Your Boyfriend’s Not Calling Or Texting?]
4. He Avoids Inviting You To Meet His Family
When your boyfriend avoids inviting you to spend time with his family. It’s a sure-fire sign he doesn’t want you in the same room together. He’s likely worried about what they might say or do, and also doesn’t want anything to happen that could disrupt your relationship.
5. He Tells You White Lies To Save Your Feelings
If he tells you white lies about his family or what they say about you, and you find out. This is proof that he is trying to spare your feelings and he doesn’t want you to know what his family really thinks about you and his relationship.
6. He Avoids Talking About The Future With You
He avoids talking about a future relationship with you because he’s getting mixed messages from his family. When his family disapproves of your relationship or doesn’t seem to like you. He’s weighing up the pros and cons in his mind about whether or not your relationship has a future.
7. He Asks You To Watch What You Say Around His Family
One of the major signs your boyfriend’s family doesn’t like you is when he asks you to be careful about what you say around them. This is because he knows they are judging your every word, and they may look for faults or issues with anything you say to them.
8. He Seems Awkward When You Meet His Family
When your boyfriend suddenly seems awkward when you and he are in the company of his family. It’s because he finds you being around his family a daunting situation. He puts a lot of value in what his family thinks, and he doesn’t want them to disapprove of the relationship.
9. His Family Never Greets You With Warmth
If his family only ever greet you with a “Hello” or a “Hi” and you never feel warmth or embraced as part of the family. It’s a sign his family views you as an outsider and they likely have no intention of treating you as a new member of the family.
10. His Family Rarely Accepts An Invite From You
Whenever you invite them over to get to know them better or make the effort to ensure they are coming to special occasions, but they always say “No!”. It’s a solid sign that this rejection is just them being ‘fake busy’ and his family holds no intention of getting to know you better.
11. His Family Never Wants To Meet Your Family
If the idea of meeting your family is something they try to avoid at all costs. It’s your boyfriend’s family’s way of saying “We’re still not sure about you, so why should we be OK with meeting your family?”. They will make excuses, or avoid making arrangements with you entirely.
12. They Plan Family Outings Without You
When you feel invisible or not included as part of your boyfriend’s family outings. It’s a sign you’re not part of their thinking, and they don’t consider you as a valid member of their family.
13. They Talk About You Behind Your Back
Have you discovered his family is saying things about you behind your back? One tell-tale sign your boyfriend’s family doesn’t like you is when they say hurtful things about you when you’re not around. They will make negative comments about the relationship, and say mean things about you personally.
14. They Give You Disapproving Looks
Whenever you see his family, they give you disapproving looks or their body language becomes guarded. It’s because they are displeased with you or the relationship and these subtle facial expressions are their way of letting you know.
15. They Look At You Like They’re Angry
If his family looks at you like they’re angry with you. It’s because they have something to say or are genuinely unhappy to be in your company. They might also be trying to send a signal to your boyfriend, or are trying to make you feel intimidated and uncomfortable.
16. They Avoid Being Physically Close With You
When his family avoids being close with you and always keeps you at arm’s length when you are talking to them. It’s a sign they don’t like you and have put up their guard around you. They will avoid sitting close to you, hugging you, and anything that involves physical contact.
17. They Talk Down To You
Do your boyfriend’s family talk down to you, or talk to you like you’re a child? It’s because they think they know better, or are looking to control the conversation with you. Likely because they have already made up their minds about you and it’s a hidden way for them to express their real feelings.
18. They Exclude You From Conversations
Are you feeling excluded from conversations while you are with his family? It’s because they aim all their questions and the conversation towards your boyfriend because they don’t put any value in what they think you have to say. Or don’t want to hear it.
19. They Doubt Your Every Move
Whenever you do something or make any move, they question it or make a point about bringing up how wrong they think you are. They doubt you because they likely don’t believe in you and have no faith in what you are doing.
20. They Judge Everything That You Do
If you feel like you’re being judged at every turn by your boyfriend’s family and they critique everything that you do. It’s them judging you because they don’t like you or believe you could be a bad influence on their son.
21. They Disapprove Of Almost Everything That You Say
When it feels like you can never say anything right around his family, or they disapprove of every word that you say. It’s a sign they hold an unfavorable opinion of you or believe what you say surely can’t be right. They will reply negatively, or fabricate reasons why you are always wrong.
22. They Never Laugh At Your Jokes
Whenever you tell them funny jokes or say and do things they will surely laugh at. When they don’t laugh or show any sign of amusement, it’s because their feelings of negativity about you block them from finding it funny. They never get the joke because they don’t want to.
23. They Dislike You And Your Boyfriend Being Intimate
Have you noticed his family giving you disapproving looks when you hold your boyfriend’s hand or cuddle up to him? If they try their best to keep you both apart and avoid being around when you show any sign of intimacy towards your boyfriend. It’s evidence that they can’t stand it, or have no interest in seeing your relationship thriving.
24. They Make A Habit Of Forgetting You’re In The Room
When your boyfriend’s family treats you like you’re not in the room, and they ignore or talk over you when you’re trying to speak. It’s them trying to make you feel insignificant and alienated. They’re doing it on purpose.
25. They Try To Hook Your Boyfriend Up With Someone Else
An obvious sign that your boyfriend’s family doesn’t like you is when they openly try to hook him up with some other girl. When his family thinks they know what’s best for him, or they think he’ll make a better suiter for somebody else that isn’t you. It’s their way of secretly saying “you’re not good enough for him!”.
26. They Frequently Doubt The Relationship
Does his family frequently share their doubts about the relationship, or tell your boyfriend that they don’t think it will last? If you hear this kind of doubtful thinking or his family predicts when the relationship will end. It’s a sign they want it to, probably because they don’t think you a good fit for him.
27. They Never Offer Praise For The Relationship
Have you hit important milestones in your relationship together, and shared experiences you think they might be impressed with. Only to find it met with no admiration or joy by his family. Then it means they have no praise to give as nothing short of you breaking up is praiseworthy to them.
28. They Think You And Your Boyfriend Have No Future Together
Whenever your boyfriend talks to them about you, they might make it obvious that they don’t see you both having a future together. If his family doesn’t like you and they are determined that he chooses another path in his life. They will let their true feelings be known by talking negatively about the future of your relationship.
29. They Compare You To Other Girls
Do you hear them making comparisons between you and other girls your boyfriend knows? When they are really not happy he’s picked you, they will often make subtle comparisons to girls they believe are better suited for him. They might say things like “Why can’t you be more like her?” and make it obvious what they think your shortcomings are.
30. They Make A Big Deal Out Of Mistakes You Have Made
If you’ve made a minor mistake or forgot something seemingly insignificant. But your boyfriend’s family make a big deal out of it and don’t let you forget it. It’s a sign they are looking for any opportunity to make you seem like the problem, possibly because they don’t like you.
31. They Avoid Making Eye Contact
Whenever you are talking to his family members, and they avoid making eye contact with you. It’s their way of subtly saying “You’re not deserving of my full attention”. Unless they are shy, or awkward during social interactions with you, there is no excuse. They don’t give you eye contact because they don’t want to acknowledge you being with your boyfriend.
32. They’re Always In A Rush For You To Leave
Do they always seem like they’re in a rush and keep asking you and your boyfriend when you are due to leave? If his family doesn’t like you, any time spent around you will feel to them like it’s wasted time. They will believe they have better things to do and don’t want to spend their time in the company of someone they have strong feelings of disapproval for.
33. You Feel Emotionally Drained By His Family
Whenever you are around his family you always feel emotionally drained by them. The words they say and the things his family does appear designed to play with your emotions. If you always feel like their actions and words are taking a toll on you emotionally. It’s a sign it could be intentional, and they are doing it deliberately to hide their real feelings about you.
34. You Feel Invisible To His Family
If his family tries their best to make you feel invisible. It’s a sure-fire sign they are not happy about you being with your boyfriend. When they ignore you, ghost you, and pretend you’re not even in the room. It’s them snubbing you and showing you subtly you’re not part of the family.
35. They Tell You Openly That They Don’t Like You
You talk to his family, and they tell you bluntly that they don’t like you. One of the most obvious signs your boyfriend’s family doesn’t like you is when they just say it. Put simply, they are not happy about the relationship and feel soo strongly about it that they have to tell you publically.
More Ways To Know If Your Boyfriend’s Family Don’t Like You
Finding out your boyfriend’s family doesn’t like you can be crushing. You may have already spotted some of the signs you think they disapprove of you and the relationship. But is this really what they think and how do you know for sure?
Some of the indications that they don’t like you can be hiding in plain sight. They might already be doing things to show their disapproval towards you without you realizing it.
Here are some of the additional ways to know if your boyfriend’s family doesn’t like you.
1. They Compare You With Your Boyfriend’s Exes
They make constant comparisons between you and your boyfriend’s exes. If they are always belittling you and making you feel inferior to his ex. It’s their way of secretly saying “We liked her more, why can’t you be more like her?”.
2. They Criticize How You Look
Whenever you are around his family, they always make comments about what you are wearing and criticize your appearance. They’re doing it because to them it’s an easy excuse to say something negative about you and show their disapproval.
3. They Forget Important Milestones In Your Relationship
If you and your boyfriend hit important milestones in your relationship, such as your 6 months or 12 month anniversary. But his family makes a point of ignoring it and offers you no congratulations. It’s a sign that each milestone you hit is going against their wishes. They don’t offer you praise or applaud you for being together because it’s not what they want.
4. They Call You Hurtful Nicknames
Does his family make up hurtful nicknames for you based on your appearance or something they think you’ve done wrong? If his family calls you a nickname that lacks any kind of endearment or affection. It’s their way of showing you no respect, or a lack of regard for your feelings.
5. They Have Inside Jokes At Your Expense
Whenever you are with your boyfriend around his family they tell inside jokes at your expense. If they make you feel like you’re one big joke to them or that you can’t do anything right. His family sees you as the punchline and looking for any excuse to judge your every move.
6. They Rarely Ask How You Are Doing
When you greet them, they never ask how you are doing. They don’t ask because they don’t want to know, or hold no interest in what is happening in your life. They’d rather be left in the dark about your relationship, and avoid listening to what you and your boyfriend have been up to.
How Do You Deal With Your Boyfriend’s Family Not Liking You?
To deal with your boyfriend’s family not liking you. You need to confront the problem with them and your boyfriend, but be tactful in your approach. Don’t hide who you really are or try to change just for them. Be true to your character, kind with your behavior, and honest with your real feelings.
His family needs to learn to accept you as you are and understand that the relationship you share with your boyfriend is the reality. Your boyfriend chose you, and it’s not something they should be looking to try to control or influence negatively.
His family needs to realize you’re not the problem they are making you out to be. They might have a bad first impression of you or have based much of their thinking on things that are untrue about you.
Allow them to see the real you and don’t shy away from your genuine feelings. If the things they do or say make you feel hurt and upset. Confront your boyfriend and his family with these feelings and never be afraid to find space away from the situation.
1. Don’t Hide Who You Really Are
Try not to hide who you really are or how you are feeling when you are around your boyfriend’s family. What you say and how you behave around them should be an honest reflection of your character. They need to learn to like the real you, not somebody who feels intimidated or judged into wearing a mask.
2. Be Strong
Strength is a quality to be admired, not only by your boyfriend but his family too. If you can show his family you are a strong person that’s not willing to accept unfair criticism or judgment. They may feel far less inclined to say or do things in order to influence you or the relationship.
They will see it’s you that is the one firmly in control, and it’s them that has to be the ones to make a good impression. Not the other way around.
3. Don’t Fight Back Or Play Their Mind Games
If they want to treat you badly or play mind games with you. Don’t fight back or sink to their level. Rise above it and be the better person. By avoiding giving a response to criticism and leaving any drama to one side. You will come out looking a lot better for it, especially in the eyes of your boyfriend.
4. Don’t Obsess Over It
It can feel natural to obsess over the reasons why his family doesn’t like you. However, you need to take a step back a re-evaluate what you are doing. Don’t allow the words they say or their actions to influence you so strongly. The only opinion that really matters is your boyfriend’s. Focus on his love, not his family’s judgment of you.
5. Continue To Show Them Kindness
Even though feeling like his family doesn’t like you can be a trying time. It’s still important to focus on kindness first and leave any negativity behind you.
If you can show you are a kind and positive person that only wants to get along. They may begin to see the error of their ways and question their own behavior or how they should approach you.
6. Have A Heart To Heart With Your Boyfriend
Share your real feelings with your boyfriend about his family and tell him what is bothering you. When you are really concerned about his family or believe they are showing signs of disapproval towards you. It’s important that he knows the truth.
[Read: How To Tell Your Boyfriend That Something Is Bothering You]
Perhaps he can do something about it, or talk to his family to smooth some things over. Whatever happens, he needs to know how these things are affecting you emotionally. Don’t try to hide it from him.
7. Talk To His Family
Confronting his family with your feelings can be a seriously daunting prospect. However, it’s needed if it’s the only way you feel they will fully understand. If they make you feel upset, angry, or hurt. You need to tell them, but you also need your boyfriend’s full support.
Your boyfriend should be your rock who supports you when talking to his family. He should aware of what is happening, and also be willing to express his own concerns or feelings about how they are treating you. Tackle his family together, and make sure they hear the message clearly about your relationship.
How Do You Know If Your Boyfriends Family Disapproves Of You?
If your boyfriend’s family disapproves of you or the relationship. They will look to say or do things to pass judgment or have a negative impact on you and the relationship. They will want to control who your boyfriend is dating and say things to you to push you away from him.
Many of the signs your boyfriend’s family disapprove of you being with him will be obvious. They will…
- Be critical of the relationship
- Question why you are together
- Doubt your feelings for one another
- Criticize you, or your appearance
- Make fun of you, or tell jokes at your expense
- Appear cold and not approachable
- Make comparisons with his exes
- Say things like “He can do better!” or “You’re not a good fit for him!”
- Ghost, ignore, or blank you
While many of the ways to know his family doesn’t like you being together may be easy to spot. Some of the signs they disapprove of the relationship can be more subtle and harder to spot.
If you have a feeling that our boyfriend’s family disapprove of you. It’s important that you let your boyfriend know even when its hard. You need to work with him to ensure his family’s behaviour or habits don’t ruin your relationship.
Can A Relationship Work If Your Boyfriend’s Family Don’t Like You?
Yes, absolutely. A relationship with your boyfriend can still be healthy and happy despite you and his family not getting along or seeing eye-to-eye. However, it depends heavily on the circumstances and how much influence his family has over your boyfriend or the relationship.
Your boyfriend might choose to base much of his relationship decision-making on what his family thinks. Or he may choose to ignore them and knows that they are wrong about you. It’s totally up to him.
Whether or not a relationship can work if your boyfriend’s family doesn’t like you is up to you. You need to re-evaluate and consider what being in a relationship with your boyfriend will look like in the future.
Will his family not liking you be a big problem moving forward? Or do they have a minimal impact on the happiness you find in the relationship with your boyfriend?
Only you can decide on whether or not the relationship can work. Never allow his family to dictate the lifespan of your relationship. You and your boyfriend need to decide whether or not staying together/breaking up is for the best in this situation.
Is It OK To Break Up With Boyfriend Because Of Their Family?
Yes, It’s OK to break up with your boyfriend because of his family. It’s a valid reason to use, especially if his family targets their bad or upsetting behavior towards you. Your boyfriend needs to support you and have your back, even against his own family at times.
If he fails to do this or sides with his family constantly, then breaking up or finding space starts to feel like the only option you have available to you.
It can feel heartbreaking to break up with someone you love just because of their family’s bad behavior or hurtful habits. However, it is a very common reason many happy couples part ways.
The feeling that his family doesn’t like you, or that they disapprove of the relationship with your boyfriend can be emotionally draining. Especially when you feel like your boyfriend does not do enough to stop it or side with you.
It’s ultimately OK to break up with your boyfriend because of his family. This is even more true if you’ve been having a heart to heart with your boyfriend. You tell him everything, but he takes no action to stop this kind of disapproving behavior by his family.
Your boyfriend needs to work with you and be prepared to step up to the plate to help you tackle these issues if there is any hope of the relationship having a future. Families are important, and you may want to feel included or part of his family too despite having a rocky beginning.
[Read: How To Tell Your Boyfriend You Need Space Without Hurting Him?]
Looking for space should be your first consideration, especially if you can still see a future with your boyfriend and you love him. However, if his family’s upsetting behavior is a dealbreaker for you. Breaking up might be your only option, but it can still be the correct path to take and is a perfectly valid reason to give him.
FAQs
Can a relationship work if you hate his family?
Yes, a relationship with him can still work despite you not liking his family. While it may be difficult or heavily dependent on the circumstances. You can still maintain and healthy and happy relationship with him if you form an understanding relating to his family.
You need to establish something that works for you both. Don’t make him feel bad or guilty because you dislike his family. Keep your emotions in check and make him fully understand your feelings on the matter. Also, be prepared to be considerate of his feelings too.
Will my boyfriend leave me because his family disapproves of me?
Whether or not your boyfriend would be prepared to break up with you based on the disapproving feelings of his family is heavily dependant on him. Only he can make this key decision or give thought to leaving you because of what his family thinks.
While it’s more common for most guys to make their own minds up about staying part of a relationship their family doesn’t approve of. Depending on the circumstances, he may be swayed by his family’s opinions due to the fear of repercussions if he chooses to continue the relationship.
Why does my boyfriend not make his family like me more?
It’s easy to think that your boyfriend could do many things to make his family like you more. However, the fact is he’s stuck firmly in the middle between you and them. He can only do so much to persuade his family about how great you are. The rest is up to his family to decide or come up with a new opinion of you.
If you feel like your boyfriend’s family don’t like you as much as they should. Consider spending time among them with your boyfriend. Be kind and make conversation to find things you relate to. Develop an understanding and get to know them better on your own.
