What should you do when your boyfriend won’t stop talking to his ex-partner?
Whether he has revealed this to you or not. When he’s talking to his ex behind your back this can still cause many issues in the relationship that you need to contend with.
You will be fully curious about why he’s speaking to his ex, and the things they could possibly be talking about over text, on calls, or in person.
You might also want him to stop, or avoid talking to talking to his ex-partner entirely. As it can make you feel upset, angry, jealous, or even as if you can’t trust him.
So what should you do when your boyfriend keeps speaking to his ex?
What To Do When Your Boyfriend Won’t Stop Talking To His Ex?
When figuring out the steps you should take when your boyfriend won’t stop speaking to his ex. It’s important to remain calm, control your emotions, and not make any snap judgments.
You need to get to the bottom of why he’s still speaking to them by discovering all the facts. Also, what it means for him, you, and the relationship moving forward.
Here’s what you should do when your boyfriend won’t stop talking to his ex.
1. Ask Him About His Ex
The first thing you should do when your boyfriend won’t stop speaking to his ex is to ask him about it. Before passing any judgment on the things he is doing, you need to be prepared to hear his side of the story.
You are looking to discover the truth. Your boyfriend needs to be open and honest with you about why he is doing it. You need him to tell you something that stops you from worrying about him speaking to her.
[Read: How To Tell Your Boyfriend That Something Is Bothering You]
Ask him direct questions about his ex and learn what his reasons are for speaking to her. Try not to act like you already know the truth, or he might decide not to open up to you.
2. Remain Calm
When you are asking your boyfriend why he won’t stop talking to his ex. It’s important to remain calm as best you can, and try not to escalate the situation.
Asking him about his ex is always going to be a fragile subject to discuss in a relationship. So it’s important you remain calm when asking him questions, and that you don’t make any accusations without proof.
3. Keep Your Emotions In Check
Your boyfriend talking to his ex might have come as a shock or a surprise to you. However, no matter how you found out or what you are asking him. It’s crucial to keep your emotions in check and not let the situation overwhelm you.
[Read: How To Talk To Your Boyfriend When You’re Upset With Him]
Knowing that your boyfriend still talks to his ex will often send you into a spiral of emotions or make you upset. But try your best to keep your cool and take a break when talking to him if it all gets a little too much.
4. Give Him Time To Open Up
When you have asked your boyfriend questions and shared your feelings about him talking to his ex. You need to allow him time to open up and give you the answers you are looking for.
Sometimes when your boyfriend needs to be open or honest with you. He will require extra time to figure out exactly how to tell you what is happening or share his real feelings.
You want to know the truth and the real story behind it. Not a version of the story he’s been forced or pressured into telling you in order to save your feelings.
5. Don’t Feel Guilty For Asking
Never feel guilty for asking your boyfriend why he still speaks to his ex. You have the right to know what is happening, and also the right to feel upset, angry, or jealous about it.
Don’t feel guilty for asking him pointed questions about his ex. You should be able to ask him, or at the very least let him know you’re not happy about it.
It’s also not your fault if your boyfriend escalates the conversation into a heated argument. He should willing to give you clear answers and not make you feel guilty as a way to escape the situation.
6. Give Him All The Facts
When you are confronting your boyfriend about speaking to his ex. It’s a good idea to have all of the facts about the things he is doing in front of you.
If you’ve seen him talking to her, texting her, calling her, or even found out he’s met her in person. It’s probably a good idea to confront him about this and let him know you’re not happy about it.
Gathering information on the things he is doing when he speaks to his ex is seriously important. It will tell you a lot about what he is doing, especially when he tries to hide it from you.
7. Tell Him How You Feel
Tell your boyfriend exactly how you feel about him talking to his ex. When it makes you worried, angry, upset, or even jealous. He needs to know.
Try not to hide from your feelings or bottle them up. If something is really bothering you in the relationship with your boyfriend. The only way to solve it is by discussing these issues.
If him talking to her makes you feel uneasy, suspicious, or like you’re second best. Be upfront and honest with him, and confront him with your feelings.
8. Listen To His Feelings
It’s seriously important not to overlook your boyfriend’s feelings too. He might have valid reasons for talking to his ex or be confused about his own feelings.
It’s important that you listen to him and his feelings, and don’t take everything you see or hear at face value.
To work past issues in the relationship, or to overcome your worries about him talking to his ex. You need to show that you respect his feelings, by listening to what he has to say.
9. Believe In What He Tells You
Once you have asked him about his ex and he’s given you an explanation. You need to try and believe in what he is telling you, and not fight against what he is telling you is the truth.
Even if you do think there is something more going on between your boyfriend and his ex, and you’re still fully suspicious. You can’t fight him on what he is telling you until you have more proof that he is lying to you.
10. Pay Close Attention To His Behaviour
When you are talking to him about his ex, or you see him talking to her in person or on the phone. Pay close attention to his behavior and his body language.
How he behaves when their name is mentioned, or when you see him texting or calling his ex will say a lot about how he feels about her.
Does he smile when he texts her or calls her on the phone? Also, does he look uncomfortable or nervous when you start asking questions?
How your boyfriend acts when you bring up his ex, or when he thinks you are not around will reveal a glimpse into what is really really happening.
11. Don’t Give Him An Ultimatum
If you’re concerned or worried about your boyfriend speaking to his ex, and you want it to stop. Don’t give him an ultimatum in an attempt to make it end, or it could seriously backfire.
When you want him to stop speaking to her. Share your feelings about what is happening, and also respect his feelings on the matter.
If you offer him an ultimatum by saying “Stop speaking to your ex, or I’ll break up with you!” this will only make the situation much worse.
He will believe you don’t respect his feelings or the reasons he has for talking to her. He might also see it as a red flag or sign you’re not the right girl for him.
12. Come To An Agreement
Once you have confronted your boyfriend about him talking to his ex. It’s important that you both come to an agreement and decide how to move things forward in the relationship.
If you are still unhappy about him speaking to her after hearing his side of the story. You need to agree on some changes he needs to make to stop this behavior from affecting your feelings.
You can ask him to stop, limit contact with her, or even ask him for more transparency regarding what is going on between them.
Come to an agreement together and don’t leave this situation unresolved, or it will only cause more problems down the line.
13. Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries is seriously important when your boyfriend won’t stop talking to his ex. He needs to respect how you feel about what he’s doing, and also being willing to make compromises for the sake of the relationship.
When setting healthy boundaries between you, him, and his ex. He needs to realize how his actions are working against the current relationship with you.
Put simply, he needs to make changes to show you he’s not willing to jeopardize the relationship you share together.
If you’re not happy with him keeping up communication with his ex. Try to fix this by setting healthy boundaries between her and him that you can both agree on.
14. Trust Him
When you’ve spoken to your boyfriend about how you feel about his still speaking to his ex. You need to trust him and believe that he’s going to make the right decisions or changes in order to resolve things.
Try not to be suspicious or skeptical of everything he is doing regarding his ex. He’s chosen to be with you after all, and you’re his current girlfriend, not his ex.
Give him time to prove he can fix the situation, or at the very least make you feel better about him talking to his ex depending on the reasons.
15. Consider Your Future Together
Once you have told him exactly how you feel, and he knows you’re not entirely happy with him speaking to his ex. If he continues against your best wishes, it’s time to consider your future with him.
Can you continue a relationship with your boyfriend if he’s still fully obsessed with his ex?
If you’re not, then it’s time to re-evaluate all the facts and things he has said to you and make a decision on the future of your relationship.
If you feel unhappy, or as if you don’t trust him speaking to his ex. This is not a healthy foundation for any relationship to grow. He should realize this also, and also acknowledge how it’s making you feel.
You need to consider whether or not staying with him is worth it in the long run because this situation is fixable. Or if breaking up with him is going to cause you less heartache.
Why Does He Keep Talking To His Ex? (Possible Reasons)
What does it mean if he still talks to his ex?
While there can be many reasons for your boyfriend to still be communicating with his ex. Are many of the reasons he is doing it harmful for your relationship, or are there some valid reasons he has for speaking to his ex?
Here are the possible reasons why he keeps talking to his ex.
1. He’s Resuming A Past Friendship
If your boyfriend and his ex were friends before their relationship. It can be common for them to try and rekindle their past friendship.
This is especially true if they have been friends from a young age, or his ex was his first love. He’s built up fond memories with her that he wants to relive by talking to her again.
2. He Wants Closure
When things between your boyfriend and his ex ended badly, or there was a bad breakup and she won’t let him forget it. He may be talking to her again for closure, or to right some wrongs relating to his past relationship.
Your boyfriend could also be speaking to his ex to ensure his past does not affect his current relationship with you. He might also be trying to protect you from his ex’s interference or thoughts about his new relationship.
3. His Ex Contacted Him First
One of the common reasons your boyfriend keeps talking to his ex is because she contacted him first. When his ex can see he is happy with you, or she’s fully jealous of his new relationship. She may try to have an influence by contacting him.
4. His Ex Wants Him Back
When your boyfriend’s ex is not over him or wants him back. This can be another very common reason he’s now talking to his ex. She could be bombarding him with texts or calls, or trying anything she can to get his attention.
It’s only a real problem, or something to worry about if your boyfriend also shares some feelings for her.
5. He’s Unsure About His Feelings
If your boyfriend is unsure about his feelings for you, and constantly making comparisons in his head between you and his ex. He may talk to his ex to get a better idea of what he wants.
He’s unlikely to tell you this is the real reason for him talking to his ex, but it’s something to pay close attention to.
6. He Wants To Make His Ex Jealous
When we’ve found love and are fully happy in an exciting relationship with someone new. It can sometimes feel natural to want to let our ex-partner know what they’re missing out on.
Your boyfriend may be talking to his ex about you or sharing some of the exciting things you are doing together to make her jealous. He wants to make his ex feel like they’re missing out on him.
7. He’s Not Over His Ex
If your boyfriend is still fully hung up on his ex, or talks about her and makes comparisons. This can be one of the many reasons why he still talks to her at the expense of your feelings.
He’s still figuring out what he wants, and whether or not it’s you or his ex he genuinely wants to be with.
Why You Don’t Have To Worry About His Ex
Should you be worried about him talking to his ex?
While it’s very easy to worry about your boyfriend speaking to his ex. There are a few main reasons why you don’t have to worry.
Here are the reasons why you don’t have to worry about his ex.
1. He’s Chosen You
He’s your boyfriend, and he’s already chosen you. Your boyfriend had a choice to make between you and his ex, and he’s only got eyes for you.
2. He’s Doesn’t Love Her
When you know your boyfriend no longer loves his ex, or he shares his real feelings about you. It’s a solid sign you don’t have to worry because he only holds feelings for you.
3. She Is In The Past
You are the present now, and she’s firmly in the past. When your boyfriend broke up with his ex a long time ago, or in the distant past. You have less to worry about as his focus is firmly on you and building new memories.
4. He Loves You
When your boyfriend tells you he loves you, and your constantly having a heart to heart and sharing feelings. It’s the best indication that you don’t have to worry about his ex.
[Read: Signs That Your Boyfriend Is Really In Love With You]
He loves you, not his ex. She is firmly at the back of his mind, and his focus is firmly fixed on enjoying a happy relationship with you.
FAQs
It’s fine for your boyfriend to talk to his ex, providing he understands how you feel about it and he doesn’t lie to you or go behind your back. It also depends on whether or not they are friends or there is something more going on. If you don’t like him talking to his ex, you need to address it.
Yes, it’s perfectly OK to ask your boyfriend to stop talking to his ex. Especially if his reasons for doing it don’t add up, or you believe it’s causing problems or mistrust in the relationship. They are his ex for a reason, and he should be willing to make compromises to save your feelings.
When he acts friendly, kind, flirty, or even overly happy when he’s speaking to his ex. This can be an indication that he still harbors feelings for them, or he still loves his ex. This is especially true if you find out about this kind of behavior going on behind your back.
If your boyfriend is not over his ex, this does not always mean he doesn’t want to be with you. He’s just hung up on his ex. However, it’s a good idea to slow the pace of the relationship and give him time to figure out what he really wants. Keep seeing him, but make it clear you want a commitment.