When you feel like you can’t be friends with your ex-boyfriend. You will need to find a straightforward way to tell him, and put your own feelings first.
If your ex-boyfriend is contacting you and asking to be friends. This can be a difficult situation to be in if all you want to do is get over him and move on.
But how do you tell your Ex-Boyfriend you can’t be friends anymore?
How To Tell Your Ex Boyfriend You Can’t Be Friends?
When you want to get over him and tell him you have no intention of being friends. It can be tough to find a way to talk to him and reveal that you don’t want a friendship.
Here’s how to tell your ex-boyfriend you can no longer be friends.
1. Just Say “No”
If you have no intention of being friends with your ex-boyfriend. Just tell him the answer is “No”. It’s best to give him a straight answer and be honest if you have no desire of remaining friends with him.
Saying “No” to him early on will make him realize where you stand. While it may hurt his feelings, your own feelings are the most important thing in this situation.
Telling him it’s a “No” from the start will help you avoid any future issues. It will also make him think twice before pestering, calling, or texting you to hang out and talk.
2. Make It Clear You Want Closure
When all you want to do is close this chapter in your life. You need to make this clear to him when telling him you can’t be friends. You need closure on this relationship.
While it’s true that your ex-boyfriend may want to be friends so he can unravel or untangle the reasons why you broke up. If you need closure, it’s important to talk to him and make this completely understood.
Have a conversation with him about why you need closure. Also, make him realize what you had once shared is now over between you.
3. Tell Him You Want To Move On
It’s going to be hard to move on from him if you remain as friends. Him being your friend will act as a constant reminder of a relationship. Which can make it seriously hard to move on or find someone new.
If you want to move on from him. You need to tell him straight and also make it clear the relationship between you is over. It’s time to emotionally move on from this situation and the breakup.
4. Explain Your Feelings
When you feel like you need to get some things off your chest and you want to explain the real reasons why you can’t be friends with him. Talk to him and explain your feelings.
Let him know exactly where you stand and tell him why being friends is a bad idea for you both.
If you’re still upset about the breakup, and can’t handle seeing or being around him. Share your feelings and let him know this exactly why you can’t remain friends with him.
5. Set Some Boundaries
Setting boundaries is seriously important when you want to make it clear to your ex-boyfriend you can’t be friends. He needs to realize that contacting you out of the blue is something you no longer want.
Talk to him and make it clear you no longer want texts or calls from him. Also, set some boundaries about seeing each other, or spending time with mutual friends.
The boundaries you set need to make it obvious to him you have no intention of pursuing a friendship. He needs to respect your wishes and realize it’s because you want to move on.
6. Unfriend Or Block Him On Social Media
When your ex-boyfriend is using social media to try and re-establish a friendship. If you don’t want to be friends and don’t want to talk to him. You can take the ‘blunt’ approach to block or unfriend him.
Even though blocking or unfriending him on social media might seem harsh, or unfair from his perspective. It sends him a clear message and makes it clear you have no intention of being his friend.
Blocking him on social media can be an important step towards recovering emotionally from a breakup for many people. It makes him ‘out of sight, out of mind’ which helps you to move on and find closure.
7. Ghost Him (In A Good Way)
Ghosting is another option you can take when you want to tell your ex-boyfriend you can’t be friends. If he’s texting and calling you constantly, or trying to get a reply from you over messages on social media. It could be time to ghost him but in a good way.
Ghosting him in a good way involves you telling him exactly why you’re no longer going to respond. Giving him an explanation makes your reasons clear and justifies why you plan to no longer read his messages or reply.
This will allow you to be straightforward with him, explain your reasons, and make it understood you no longer want to be friends.
8. Focus On Friends & Hobbies
When you don’t want to be friends with your ex-boyfriend. It’s a good idea to focus your attention elsewhere. Take your mind off him and keep busy with your hobbies or interests.
[Read: How Do I Stop Thinking About My Ex?]
If he can see that you’ve got your own life to live, or that you’re fully busy enjoying your interests and doing the things you love. It will make him realize he’s no longer a priority in your life, and it’s time for you both to move on.
9. Start Dating Again
One way to send a clear message to him about not wanting to be friends is by starting to date again. When he can see you’re looking for new love and starting to become more active in the dating game again. It will make your feelings about him obvious.
He’ll know you have no room for being friends when all your attention is now on another guy. He will realize you’ve moved on and come to terms with the breakup, and it’s time he should too.
Ways To Tell Your Ex You Can’t Be Friends
When you’re looking for ways to tell your ex you no longer want to be friends. It can feel hard to know what to say to him, or how to reveal what you really want.
Here’s what to say to your ex-boyfriend to make it clear you can’t be friends.
- “Sorry, staying friends with you is never going to work out.”
- “We both need to move on with our lives, which means we can’t remain friends.”
- “Well, I’m sorry. But I don’t want to be friends with you anymore.”
- “I know you still want to be friends, but it’s not going to work for me.”
- “I want to move on from you, so the only way I can do that is by us not being friends anymore.”
- “This is hard, but being your friend is not something I want anymore.”
- “I need to focus on my life. So I’m sorry, but your not part of that picture.”
- “I’m ready to start a new chapter in my life, and you need to be too without me as your friend.”
- “I’m sorry, but I can’t stay friends with someone that hurt me.”
- “We’re only going to hurt one another if remain friends.”
- “I’m sorry, but I’m not interested in being friends with you anymore.”
- “Since we broke up, I don’t have time for you anymore. I’m sorry.”
- “I need to focus on my friends and family, I don’t want to be friends anymore.”
- “I’ve got big plans for my life, and I don’t see you as playing any part in it. Sorry.”
- “You already have good friends. So focus on them, as I don’t want to be friends any longer.”
- “I need space. So please let me have it, which means us not being friends.”
- “Please stop texting me. Sorry, I would respond if I still wanted to remain friends with you.”
- “My life has moved on a lot since we broke up. So I’m sorry, but I can’t see myself being your friend anymore.”
- “We might have broken up on good terms, but this doesn’t mean I want you as a friend. I’m sorry.”
- “I think we both need to move on with our lives, so we can’t stay as friends.”
Reasons Why You Can’t Remain Friends With Your Ex-Boyfriend
Even though staying friends with him could have both positive and negative impacts for you. Especially if you share mutual friends and you are bound to bump into him occasionally.
What are the main reasons why you shouldn’t remain friends with your ex-boyfriend?
1. You Need Some Space
You need to find space away from him after breaking up so you can heal and move on to a new chapter of your life. You should focus on yourself, and prioritize your own life and other friendships.
If you remain friends with your ex-boyfriend. It will make it harder to get over him or to emotionally recover from the breakup. So you need to find some space for yourself.
2. Dating Will Be Hard
Starting to date someone new will be hard with your ex-boyfriend still firmly in the picture. Your new boyfriend might not like the idea that you’re still firm friends with your ex.
Still being friends with your ex could be seen as a red flag by many guys. They might think you’re still not over him, and this can cause more problems in a new relationship than it’s worth.
3. Mutual Friends Won’t Understand
If you stay friends with your ex-boyfriend and share mutual friends. They might not understand why you broke up, and it could make them feel awkward or uncomfortable.
They won’t know how to act around you both when you’re in the same room, and the things they say to you both will remind you frequently about the past relationship.
4. Your Ex’s New Girlfriend Will Be Jealous
When your ex-boyfriend gets a new girlfriend. If you’re still friends with him you could become an object of jealousy or contention in their relationship.
She will see you as a threat and wonder why her boyfriend is keeping his ex as a friend. She’ll also wonder why he talks about you, and bring into question any time you spend together.
5. Too Many Boundaries
If you’re still friends with your ex. The boundaries you set on the friendship can become irrelevant if one of you starts doing things that move beyond friendship.
Your shared history together can make many of the social interactions with him confusing or seem flirtatious. You will never know if he’s talking to you as a friend, or if he still harbors some feelings for you.
This can become more worrying if you find a new partner. As your ex’s boundary-breaking will become something your new boyfriend picks up on and finds a problem with.
6. You’ll Get Confused About Feelings
It’s seriously hard to get over a breakup with your ex-boyfriend if you’re still trying to be friends with him. Seeing him only as a friend will take its toll on you emotionally, as it’s a constant reminder of what you once shared together.
You’ll start doubting yourself, and your feelings. Especially if he gets a new girlfriend and you realize you want him back and can’t bear seeing them together.
Don’t put yourself in a position where staying friends with him is going to confuse your feelings, and cause you further heartbreak. Find space from him, and move on.
7. He Could Interfere
Another reason why it’s not a good idea to stay friends with your ex is due to the potential he could try to interfere in your life and future relationships.
If he was protective or possessive in the relationship. Then there’s no reason why he couldn’t try to carry this on while being your friend after the breakup.
He could try to question your decisions, judge you harshly for dating other guys, and generally seem controlling and obsessive over you.
He’s still trying to be your boyfriend while pretending to be your friend. Avoid this at all costs, and don’t let it happen by moving on.
8. You Need To Move On
The main reason you can’t be friends with your ex-boyfriend is simple. You need to move on and start a new chapter in your life without him in the picture.
Keeping him as a friend will feel torturous at times. Especially if it’s taking you a while to get over the breakup, and seeing his face acts as a constant reminder.
Unless he is someone you really want in your life as a good friend. It’s not worth the heartache trying to maintain a friendship riddled with boundaries or problems between you and your ex.
It’s time to move on and start dating someone new having put your ex-boyfriend and the past problems behind you.
Why Being Friends With An Ex Is A Bad Idea?
The simple answer is that being friends with your ex makes it much harder to move on and heal emotionally after breaking up. You need to find space so you can process your feelings and start a new chapter in your life. Staying friends is a bad idea as seeing them acts as a constant reminder.
It can also lead to confusing feelings, regrets, or an on-again-off-again relationship. Which will only prolong the heartache for you both.
You can’t simply turn your feelings off. However, not being friends and finding space away from him will allow you to move on emotionally from the situation.
There isn’t really any upside to being friends with your ex. Unless you share mutual friends or are bound together in some way that makes it impossible not to see each other.
Your ex is someone you chose to end a relationship with, or they ended the relationship with you.
While staying friends might seem like the mature thing to do to keep things amicable between you. It usually has a habit of making any unresolved issues from the breakup rise to the surface once more.
Is It Immature To Not Be Friends With An Ex?
Even though people like to believe maintaining a friendship with their ex is the “mature” approach. It’s not immature to avoid being friends with an ex if you broke up on bad terms and the reasons you did would also make them an equally bad friend.
Sometimes, it’s just a bad idea and you can’t stay friends with an ex who treated you badly or cheated on you during the relationship. This does not make you immature.
The reasons you broke up with your ex often dictate the possibility of there being a future friendship. However, it still doesn’t make you immature or a bad person to not want to be friends.
It’s also not immature to want to cut them out of your life after breaking up. Blocking them on social media, or deleting their phone number, messages, and photos are all something you do when you want to heal and recover.
So not wanting to stay friends with an ex and wanting to move on with your life does not make you immature. It can sometimes be the opposite, as it’s a sign you know what you need to do when moving on.