Is it actually possible to stop yourself thinking about your ex-partner or prevent yourself from having constant thoughts about missing them?
While it’s going to be much easier said than done. Especially if you were once in a close or loving relationship. How do I stop thinking about my ex when I miss them?
The first step to stopping yourself from thinking about your ex is to do things that take them out of your mind. You need to rationalize your thoughts and feelings about missing them or mourning the loss of the loving relationship you once had and move forward. Given enough time, and providing you do things to take your mind away from them. These thoughts or feelings about them will diminish.
So what things should you consider or do when you want to stop thinking about your ex if you miss them?
Why Can’t I Stop Thinking About My Ex?![]()
To put it simply, you can’t stop thinking about your ex because it’s completely normal behavior to have when a relationship breaks down.
It’s human nature that after the breakup of a relationship you will often have a habit or the desire to look back and over-analyze situations or events, especially regarding past relationships.
You may still have feelings that linger about guilt, anger, or regret that feed your memories about the past relationship or this person. You may also be holding onto the pain of the past, and feel like you’ve received no closure or have not fully healed from the events of the past.
However, these feelings, thoughts, or behaviors are completely normal. It’s not uncommon for many people to still think about their ex months or even years after breaking up.
If you still have lingering insecurities about the past relationship, or often find yourself making comparisons subconsciously while in a new relationship. It’s a sign you are not done healing just yet.
You need to re-evaluate your feelings or thoughts so that you can work on yourself and grow from the past. It will take time, but if you do things that take your mind off your ex and work on your new relationships. You can move past it in your mind.
How To Stop Yourself Thinking About Your Ex![]()
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1. Realize That Forgetting Them Is Not Fully Possible
The sooner you realize that fully forgetting your ex is not truly possible, the easier things will become. You need to become comfortable with the fact that they are part of your past, and could still be a permanent fixture in your mind that comes and goes with time.
Fully forgetting your ex-partner is not possible. But there are still things you can do or work on that make the feelings or thoughts about them seem less severe or important.
2. Realize The Memories Still Mean Something To You
Whether you have good or bad memories about being with your ex. They are still going to mean something to you and your life today. The things we have gone through and experienced are often the things that make us who we are.
In some ways, the memories you have shared with your ex would have molded you as a person. But this does not mean they have to dictate your thinking whilst you are making new memories without them.
Take value from your memories with them where you can. Cherish the good ones, and move forward with a healthier mindset realizing that they are still going to mean something to you in some way.
3. Consider What You Have Learned Being With Them
No matter how you look at your past relationship with your ex. It’s important to re-evaluate or consider the things you may have learned whilst being with them.
Maybe the relationship with them made you realize the things that are seriously important to have in a partner, or perhaps revealed some of the traits or habits you want to avoid in a new relationship.
Any way you look at it, there is something to be learned from the past relationship with your ex. Whether these are bad things or good.
4. Be Patient With Yourself
Slow progress is still progress when you are working towards stopping yourself from thinking about your ex.
You need to be patient with yourself and realize that the feelings or thoughts you are having are completely normal. It’s not possible to forget everything overnight, or not relive or re-imagine memories from the past.
So give yourself the time you need to consider why you could still be thinking about your ex, and how you can make things easier on yourself moving forward.
5. Share Your Thoughts And Feelings With Someone
A positive or healthy way to overcome the feelings or thoughts you have about your ex is to talk to someone.
Whether this is with friends or family, it can be seriously helpful to get someone else’s perspective on your feelings or the things you are going through.
While they likely won’t have all the answers for everything you say or may need additional context to understand your feelings or thoughts about your ex.
It’s much more about you confiding in someone in order to help you offload some of the lingering thoughts or feelings about what you are currently going through.
Don’t hide away your thoughts or feelings about missing your ex. Talking to someone may make you feel more comfortable or confidant in making the decision to move on.
6. Write Down Why You Want To Forget Your Ex
Another good way to rationalize and stop yourself from thinking about your ex is to write down a list of reasons why you want to forget them.
It might seem a little silly, but by doing this you are helping to reaffirm or justify in your mind the reasons you no longer want to think about them (even if you do miss being with them).
Perhaps you could write things like:
- They are stopping you from moving on with your life.
- Missing them hurts, and you don’t want to feel like this anymore.
- They are stopping you from finding a new relationship.
- You don’t like being quizzed about your ex by friends and family.
- They stop you from going to places you used to go together as a couple.
Once you have written down a handful of reasons why you want to stop thinking about your ex. This will help you to rationalize why it’s a good idea to move forward, and not let them hold you back.
7. Write Down The Reasons It Wouldn’t Have Worked
Very similar to writing down the reasons you should forget them, you can also try writing a list of the reasons the relationship with your ex would have never worked out.
You could write reasons like:
- Communication was hard, and you felt like they never opened up to you.
- You never felt like you could genuinely trust them in the relationship.
- Their bad habits or the things they would do often drove you crazy!
- Being with them had a bad effect on your friendships with other people.
- You did not see a future with them, despite hoping there would be one.
Once you can justify why or how the relationship with your ex would have never worked out. It will make it much easier to stop worrying or thinking about your ex.
If from your writing you realize it becomes very easy to think up reasons as to why the relationship would not have worked. It may help you re-evaluate why not being with them is probably for the best.
8. Remind Yourself Often Why You’re Not Together
There can be many reasons the relationship with your ex would have never worked out. But it’s important to keep reminding yourself of these in order to stop you from thinking about them.
If you can connect the reasons you are no longer together with the thoughts or feelings you have about them. This will help you to have a much healthier outlook on why these thoughts or memories arise, and why it’s a good idea to move past them.
[Read: My Ex-Boyfriend Hates Me Because I Broke Up With Him]
Stopping yourself from thinking about your ex-partner entirely is never going to be easy. However, if every time you think about them you can rationalize this by knowing or reminding yourself of the reasons you’re no longer together. It will make it much easier to not allow these thoughts or feelings to consume your thinking.
9. Focus On Building New Relationships
One of the more obvious ways to stop yourself from thinking about your ex is to focus on building a new relationship with someone else once you are ready.
If you can replace the thoughts or feelings about your ex in your mind with someone new in your life. It will make it much easier to stop thinking about them, and think solely about this new and exciting relationship in your life.
No matter what you do, just ensure you focus on and get into a new relationship for the right reasons. If you are not done healing or still feel like the relationship with your ex is holding you back. Be careful, as this may have an effect on your new relationship with someone else.
Ensure you are done healing or have processed many of the thoughts or feelings you are having before jumping into a new relationship.
[Read: Dating Mistakes That You Should Stop Before You Start New Relationship]
It’s very common after breakups for many people to look for or desire a new relationship with someone else shortly after. Whether this is called a “rebound relationship” or not, Just be sure your intentions are true. Your heart needs to be in this new relationship 100% and cannot still be stuck in the past.
10. Make Yourself The Priority
If you can find a way to make yourself the number #1 priority in your life. This will go a long way towards helping you put the thoughts and feelings about your ex aside, and focus solely on yourself.
Making yourself the priority is not about being selfish, or only thinking about yourself. It’s about asking yourself what you really need at this very moment to make you feel better.
Perhaps you need a break, a weekend to pamper yourself, or even realize that this may be a good opportunity to finish off the things you put on hold for the relationship with your ex.
Whatever it might be, just focus on yourself and make yourself the priority to avoid thinking about your ex.
11. Keep Your Friends Close
When you are looking for ways to stop thinking about your ex. There is simply no better distraction than having good friends you can spend your time with.
Keeping your friends close during this time, and arranging things to do together will make it so much easier to take your mind off a past relationship.
Real friends are the ones who are there for you when you need them most. So if your friends have been with you through thick and thin, make sure they know that you value this and prioritize the friendships you have.
Close friends just have a knack for making you feel better. So this is ideal if you need to escape these thoughts and feelings your having about your ex.
12. Make Some Changes For The Better
Making some changes to the way you live your week or generally go about life can help you put your ex firmly to the back of your mind.
If you still do the things you use to do when you were with your ex. This will only serve as a constant reminder and make you have recurring thoughts or feelings about them.
Try doing something new and make changes to help yourself get out of this rut. You can try…
- Finding a new hobby or interest.
- Spend quality time with friends and family more often.
- Focus on bettering yourself, your health, and your wellbeing.
- Make it your goal to learn something new.
- Fill your schedule with things to look forward to.
Making some of these changes will help you to feel like pondering over your ex is much less important. To stop yourself from thinking about them, the best changes you can make are to yourself and your daily life!
Tips To Help You Stop Thinking About Your Ex
If you feel like all you ever do is keep thinking about your ex and need to stop. Here are some proven tips to help you avoid thinking about them even if you do miss them.
1. Remove Your Ex’s Belongings From Your Life
If you were together with your ex for a while. Then as chance would have it, you would have likely accumulated a lot of their belongings that will serve as a constant reminder of the relationship.
To help you forget your ex, it’s best to remove these from your life. So you can move on with a fresh start, and avoid all of their possessions or things you no longer want in your life weighing you down.
The best option for removing their stuff is to either have them come by briefly to pick it up or by leaving their belongings with a mutual friend to pass on.
Your aim here is to stop thinking about and forget your ex. So don’t do anything with their belongings that could cause an ongoing drama. Be amicable and give them the opportunity to get their stuff back.
2. Avoid Going To Places You Went With Your Ex
If you avoid going to places you used to go with your ex. This will help you to stop thinking about them, or the past memories you shared together.
While this may not apply to everywhere you go as there are obviously going to be some places or locations you simply can’t avoid going to.
If your aim is to stop thinking about or missing your ex. Then it’s best to go somewhere else that does not remind you of them.
This is especially true if the place you are going is somewhere your ex is likely to hang out or be. The last thing you need right now is to be bumping into them unexpectedly.
3. Keep A Distance Between You And Them
Keeping a good distance between you are your ex is seriously important if you are trying to stop thinking about them or the relationship.
If you allow your ex to still invade areas of your life, or interfere with your friendships and possibly new relationships. You are never going to be allowed to forget them and heal.
Don’t do the same things you used to do for them whilst in the relationship. You need some distance and to set new boundaries so they can’t interfere with you moving forward.
Healing from a lost relationship or trying to forget your ex simply can’t work if you’re allowing them to still dictate what you do in your daily life.
4. Never Stalk Their Social Media
While it may seem tempting to take a look at your ex-partners social media, especially after a breakup. It’s actually one of the last things you should be doing as it’s a bad habit that will not help you to stop thinking about them.
It’s natural to want to see what they are up to, see what they are saying or who they are talking to. But in reality, you are better off not knowing any of this and focusing on yourself.
So try to avoid stalking your ex’s social media accounts. Otherwise, each time you view their profile it will make it much harder to move on and stop having these constant thoughts or feelings about them.
5. Try Avoid Bringing Them Up In Conversation
Trying to stop yourself from bringing up your ex in conversation with friends and family is going to be hard. But it’s important if you really want to move on with your life and forget your ex.
If you bring up your ex in conversation constantly or keep talking about them or the things they use to do. This will make it much harder to stop thinking about them when the conversation is over.
It also allows the people around you to feel like its not a big deal, or that you must be comfortable talking about something that still secretly makes you hurt.
So to help yourself heal and avoid thinking about your ex. Try to stop yourself from bringing them up in conversation, and make it clear to those around you that you’re trying to move on from them.
6. Love Yourself
Love yourself first. It’s always important to ensure you love yourself and put yourself as the number #1 priority in your life.
Do things that promote self-love and better yourself every day. You can do a few things like…
- Nourishing yourself with good food, treat yourself!
- Take yourself out on a date, or a shopping day.
- Surround yourself with good people.
- Make your body happy and increase your inner vitality.
- Keep notes or a journal on your goals or things you’ve achieved.
These are just a handful of the things you can do to love yourself, and they will all be helpful when trying to take your mind off your ex or a past relationship.
How To Stop Thinking About Your Ex When You’re In A Relationship?
While it’s completely natural to think about the past or remember the memories you shared with your ex. It’s probably a good idea not to make a habit of this while you are in a new relationship with someone else.
If you allow these thoughts or feelings about your ex to influence your new relationship. It can be a recipe for disaster as it can change the way you act or approach dating someone new.
To stop yourself from thinking about your ex when you’re in a relationship, you need to make the new relationship the priority. Don’t allow the past or the memories you shared with your ex to influence what you have with somebody new. Try to ensure you are fully over them, and that you stop yourself from making comparisons between this new person in your life and your ex-partner.
If you can try the following tips to stop yourself from thinking about your ex when you’re in a relationship. This will go a long way towards ensuring your ex or the memories you have of your past relationship together don’t affect your new relationship.
1. Make Your New Relationship The Priority
Always try to make your new relationship the number #1 priority. If you focus solely on this new relationship in your life and move on from the past. You will find it much easier to take your mind away from your ex and move it towards dating or falling in love with someone new.
2. Don’t Go Into Detail About Your Ex
Never discuss intimate details about the past relationship or your ex-partner. The saying “Some things are better left unsaid” is a very true rule to follow whilst in a new relationship.
Opening up and being overly truthful around the things you and your ex used to get up to may inadvertently lead to more questions and concerns than you might have intended.
It may also lead to the person you’re sharing a new relationship with becoming jealous, mistrustful or believing that you actively make comparisons between them and your ex.
Avoid oversharing regarding your ex as best you can. If you are asked serious questions about your ex, or they are curious about your ex-partner. Be honest and fill in the blanks, but try to avoid sharing intimate or private details.
3. Consider Where You Stand With Mutual Friends Of Your Ex
When you have broken up with your ex and have got into a new relationship. This does not also mean you break up with mutual friends or people you’re now friends with because of your ex.
This can make it extremely important to re-evaluate what these friendships really mean to you, and also consider what effect they might have on your new relationship.
Can you trust them to be a good friend to you whilst you are in a new relationship? Or are they likely to play ‘piggie in the middle’ and pass what you say to them back to your ex?
Your goal here is to find out who your real friends are. Consider what it means to have them in your life, and if keeping them as a close friend could cause an increased risk of interference from your ex towards your new relationship.
4. Limit The Opportunities For Your Ex To Interfere
If you are trying to stop thinking about your ex when you are in a relationship. It’s important to ensure that your ex has little or no chance of interfering and getting in the way of your new relationship.
You are looking to stop thinking about them, but this is going to be hard if they can still text and call you, or show up in your life unexpectedly. So to help stop yourself from thinking about your ex, it’s important to leave some distance between you and them.
It’s also a good idea to set some boundaries between you and your ex so that you are free to move on with your life and focus on the new relationship.
5. Stop Yourself From Making Comparisons
Stopping yourself from making comparisons between your ex and the person you are in a new relationship with can be especially hard if your ex is still at the forefront of your mind.
However, don’t allow your past experiences with your ex to influence your new relationship. You can still take value from the events of the past, but don’t allow these to determine your expectations of someone new in a relationship.
Everyone is different, and just because they share some of the same habits or characteristics as your ex. This does not mean the relationship is destined to go the same way.
Treat things with a fresh perspective, and don’t allow your ex to influence your love life moving forward.
Signs You Should Move On From Your Ex
What are the signs that you should stop thinking about your ex and move on? The clear signs you should move on from your ex are not always easy to spot, especially if your mind is still thinking back to the failed relationship or what exactly went wrong.
You may still be consumed by thinking about the past relationship, what your ex is up to, and what things you could have done differently in the relationship to make it work out for the better.
However, some of the signs you should move on could be happening to you right now without you realizing it. They might not always be obvious and are frequently difficult to understand unless you ask yourself some serious questions.
Here are some of the signs you should look for to help you consider if now is the time to move on from your ex.
1. You’re Enjoying Being Single Again
When your enjoying being single again and playing the field. This is a good sign that you are ready to stop thinking about your ex and move on.
If you realize that being single is not an issue, and you are enjoying the new opportunities it’s presenting to you in terms of free time, new attention, or the general idea of finding new love.
It’s a solid indication that you’re enjoying being single again and that your mind is ready to move on from your ex.
2. You Are Surrounded By Good Friends
When your close friends or best friends take up more of your daily life, and you are surrounding yourself with good people and good friends. It’s yet another sign you could be ready to move on from your ex-partner.
You’re switching your priorities, and focusing on the people that matter the most in your life.
This often leaves a lot less room for you to think about your ex, and could prove to you that it’s definitely time to move on and focus on yourself and your friendships.
3. You’re Starting To Forget The Little Things About Them
When you start to notice yourself forgetting the little things about your ex or the past relationship. This is a sign that your mind is firmly moving away from thinking about your ex, and is trying to prioritize the things that matter to you here and now in the present moment.
Forgetting the little things or small details about your past relationships is natural. It can frequently happen and is often how our minds process a relationship breakup or try to kick start us into moving on with our lives.
If you are forgetting things about them, or are building new memories in your life to replace the old ones. It could be for the best, and could also be a sign you are healing and ready to move on.
4. You’ve Grown As A Person Without Them
If you have grown as a person without them or have made some big changes in your life for the better since being in a relationship with them. It’s a good sign you are moving on with your life and prioritizing yourself over thinking about your ex.
Prioritizing yourself after a breakup with your ex is going to be seriously important when it comes to healing, and taking your mind away from thinking about them or the relationship.
When you can find things to do to better yourself or promote self-love within yourself. These are strong factors that help with healing and self-growth. Not to mention taking your mind away from past relationships.
5. You Believe You Can Love Someone Else
When you are starting to come around to the idea that loving someone else is possible, and your mind and heart are no longer fixated on your ex. This is a solid sign that a new relationship could be on the cards, and you’re firmly ready to move on.
If you’re enjoying being single and looking for love. You can only really be in this headspace if you believe wholeheartedly in the prospect of loving someone else.
Don’t allow the feelings or thoughts of the past to hold you back. New love and a new relationship might be just around the corner!
