Finding yourself in a situation where your boyfriend hardly calls you can be frustrating and worrisome. You start to wonder if he has lost interest or if the relationship is headed south.
Don’t panic. There are several effective things you can do to get your guy to call more often.
Keep reading, as we’ll go over some simple steps to take to get your relationship and communication with your boyfriend back on track.
What Should You Do When Your Boyfriend Hardly Calls You?
It’s frustrating when the guy you’re dating doesn’t call or contact you regularly. Your mind may jump to the worst-case scenario – he’s losing interest!
Before you panic, take a deep breath. There are a few effective things you can do to get your boyfriend to call more without being pushy.
1. Examine the Relationship
The first step is to take an honest look at your relationship. Ask yourself the following questions:
- How long have you been dating? Is this behavior new or has he always been this way?
- Does he communicate with you frequently through text messages? Some people just prefer texting.
- When you’re together in person, does he seem engaged and interested in you and the relationship?
- Outside of calling, does he make an effort to see you and make plans?
Really evaluate whether he is putting effort into the relationship in other ways besides frequent calling.
If so, then you may be overanalyzing. But if he seems distant in all forms of communication, then it’s time to take action.
2. Communicate Your Needs
Don’t assume he knows calling you is important to you. Have an open and honest conversation about your needs and expectations in the relationship.
Tell him something like:
“I really like and look forward to our phone calls. It makes me feel close to you when we talk on the phone. I would love it if we could have a short phone call at least a few times during the week in addition to seeing each other. What do you think?”
See how he responds. He may explain that he has been busier than usual at work or simply isn’t great at calling regularly. But at least he will know that it matters to you.
3. Schedule Specific Call Times
If spontaneous calls aren’t happening, try scheduling short phone dates or catch-up calls once or twice a week. Pick a regular time like every Tuesday and Thursday evening or set reminders on your phones.
Treat these calls like real dates. Focus on each other without distractions. This can help create a habit of connecting over the phone.
4. Limit Texting
Does your boyfriend communicate with you often via text? If so, you may have fallen into the trap of over-texting and under-calling. Limit your text exchanges to keep the conversations for phone calls instead.
Let him know you are making an effort to call more and will be keeping texting to a minimum outside of making plans.
5. Request Phone Calls Before Bed
Talk about scheduling a quick goodnight phone call as part of your couple’s routine. Chatting and saying goodnight before bed is a great way to feel connected.
Start the habit by telling him:
“I’d love if we could take five minutes at the end of the day to catch up on the phone before going to sleep. It makes me feel closer to you.”
6. Hang Out In Person More Often
When you spend more in-person time together, phone calls tend to happen more naturally as part of organizing or keeping your schedules aligned.
So ask yourself if it’s possible to see each other in person more often than you already are.
Plan fun date activities and be proactive about scheduling visits. When you are together frequently, you will naturally talk more often.
7. Evaluate Your Attachment Styles
Sometimes attachment styles can impact phone call frequency. If you have an anxious attachment style you may desire calls more often. If he leans avoidant, he may not think to call as much.
Read up on attachment theory and see if you can identify any patterns. Understanding your styles can help you understand each other better.
8. Determine Your Deal Breakers
At the end of the day, you need to decide how big of an issue this is for you. If he refuses to compromise or make adjustments, is the relationship still worthwhile? Or is more frequent calling a deal breaker for you?
Be honest with yourself. Don’t continue if this issue is making you unhappy long-term. But if he is trying and it’s not a huge concern, let it go.
9. When to Walk Away
As hard as it is, you may need to walk away if:
- He outright refuses to call more even after communicating your needs clearly
- He ignores your calls constantly
- Your requests for calls are always dismissed or ignored
- Excuses are made but efforts don’t change
- He criticizes you for “needing too much” from him
You deserve effort and care from a partner. If calling is off the table, he may not be invested.
10. Don’t Make Excuses for Him
It can be tempting to rationalize his lack of calling – he’s so busy at work, he hates talking on the phone, etc. But don’t make excuses for his behavior if it hurts you.
Your needs matter. Make it clear you want a compromise. Set standards for healthy communication in a loving relationship.
11. Talk to Friends for Support
Vent to close friends about the situation. They may help you see things clearly and offer emotional support. Having people in your corner is empowering if you need to walk away.
Lean on friends who build you up and give you perspective. Don’t isolate yourself if this relationship isn’t fulfilling your needs.
12. Focus on Self Care
Don’t get yourself down from an unresponsive boyfriend. Do things that make you happy! Spend time on hobbies, go out with friends, and stay active.
Boost your self-confidence. Pursue your passions. The healthier your life is outside the relationship, the less power the lack of phone calls will have over your mood.
If you’ve communicated your needs clearly and he still won’t compromise, don’t wait around hoping he’ll change. Prioritize yourself first. You deserve fulfilling relationships!
Is It Normal for A Boyfriend Not to Call You?
In today’s world of texting and social media, speaking over the phone has become less common. Many couples prefer to text or chat online rather than talk.
So is it still normal or acceptable for a boyfriend not to call you?
The answer depends on the expectations you have set in your relationship. There are no hard rules that boyfriends must call a certain amount. Every relationship is different. What matters is whether your communication styles and needs are compatible.
For some couples, talking for hours every day on the phone is normal. For others, a few phone calls per week or month feels right, alongside texting. Problems arise when one partner expects frequent calling while the other does not prioritize it.
Look at the bigger picture – does your boyfriend contact you regularly through text, social media, in-person dates, etc? Is he engaged when you are together? Do you feel connected? Or does he seem distant across all channels?
The latter case may signal a lack of investment in the relationship.
While it’s not reasonable to demand hours of phone time each day, it is fair to expect a loving partner to compromise and try to meet your main communication needs.
Discuss finding a middle ground that works for both, like scheduling short phone dates or nightly check-ins.
At the end of the day, you have to decide what level of calling you can be happy within a relationship. Seek a partner who wants to communicate in ways that nurture intimacy. Your needs are valid!
What Is the 3-Day Rule if He’s Not Calling?
The 3-day rule takes on a different meaning when your boyfriend stops calling. Rather than a 3-day break after a first date, now it means giving him a 3-day break from you reaching out.
If your boyfriend hasn’t called or texted in several days, your instinct may be to keep texting him or calling to get his attention. But what should you really do?
Experts often advise waiting 3 days before reaching out to him if a boyfriend is ignoring you or not calling. This gives him space and prevents you from seeming too desperate.
However, don’t wait around hoping he’ll call after 3 days of silence without addressing the issues in your relationship.
Here are some tips:
- Don’t ignore your own needs and standards for how you want to be treated.
- Speak up if the lack of contact is hurtful or unacceptable to you.
- Ask directly if he’s deliberately pulling away or losing interest.
- If you’ve communicated clearly and he keeps dismissing you, stick to your self-respect.
- Rely on your support system of friends and family during this time.
- Stay busy focusing on your hobbies, passions, and self-care.
While the 3-day rule can help gain perspective, don’t use it as an excuse if your boyfriend pulls away suddenly. Prioritize open communication and your self-worth.
Final Thoughts
At the end of the day, you deserve a partner who will compromise and make an effort to meet your reasonable needs in a relationship. Don’t settle for bare minimum effort or make excuses for a boyfriend who refuses to call you frequently.
Prioritize open communication, self-care, and understanding attachment styles.
If he won’t work to improve communication, it may be time to walk away and find someone who will give you the effort you deserve
Key Takeaways
- Evaluate the overall health of your relationship to provide context on his lack of calling.
- Communicate your need for more frequent phone calls openly and honestly.
- Set up designated phone call times to make it a consistent habit.
- Limit texting threads to save conversations for phone catch-ups.
- Request a goodnight phone call routine to feel more connected.
- See each other in person more often to supplement phone time.
- Understand your attachment styles to gain insights into needs.
- Decide if more calling is a dealbreaker or something you can compromise on.
- Don’t make excuses for his behavior if he refuses to change.
- Vent to friends for emotional support if needed.
- Focus on self-care rather than obsessing over his lack of effort.
- Walk away if he criticizes you for having reasonable needs in a relationship.
