What are the signs he’s not ready for a relationship, and not ready to commit?
Finding the right partner to settle down with can be challenging. While you may have strong feelings for a guy, he may not be ready or willing to commit to a real relationship with you, even if he likes you.
So how do you tell if a guy is not ready for a relationship?
Here are the signs he is not ready for a relationship:
The Signs He Is Not Ready For A Relationship
1. He Avoids Defining The Relationship
If you’ve been dating for a while but he avoids having “the talk” to define your relationship, it’s a major red flag. He doesn’t want to put a label on things or make a real commitment to you.
2. He Only Hangs Out Late At Night
If he only wants to come over after 11 PM and not go out on real dates, he’s likely just looking for a hookup or casual fling. It’s a firm sign he’s not ready for a real relationship.
3. He Rarely Initiates Contact
A man who is serious about you will want to check in regularly to talk or make plans. If you’re always the one to initiate contact, it shows a lack of interest on his end. It’s one-sided and shows a lack of commitment from him.
4. He Never Talks About The Future
Pay attention if he never mentions anything further out than a week or two when making plans. He’s living in the moment with you, not planning ahead.
5. He Chooses His Friends Over You
If your relationship is his last priority after everyone else, including his friends, take note. You deserve to be with someone who treats you as first in their life, not an afterthought. Don’t let him fob you off with excuses – actions speak louder than words.
6. He Is Emotionally Unavailable
An emotionally unavailable man is incapable of true intimacy. Don’t waste time hoping he will open up – it’s an inner block he needs to work through on his own. Know your worth and find someone willing to meet your needs. You deserve that emotional connection.
7. He Doesn’t Want To Meet Your Friends Or Family
A man who wants a real relationship will want to meet the other important people in your life. If he avoids it, he’s not trying to get attached.
8. He Doesn’t Share Personal Details
Getting to know someone requires sharing private details and stories. If he’s unwilling to open up, he’s holding back and keeping emotional distance.
9. He Keeps Bringing up His Ex
Bringing up an ex now and then is normal. But if he does it frequently, idealizes the past, or uses it as a point of comparison, he hasn’t moved on. You deserve his full attention and investment in your potential future together, not a stroll down memory lane.
10. He Doesn’t Make Time For You
Even busy men who are interested will carve out time to see you. If he goes days without contact or never follows through on plans, your relationship isn’t a priority. A commitment to you is his last priority.
11. He Only Contacts You For Booty Calls
Late-night “U up?” texts or constantly asking for intimate photos are signs he’s just in it for sex, not an actual relationship. He’s in a relationship with your body/looks, not you.
12. He Doesn’t Share His Life On Social Media
If he never posts any photos with you or avoids mentioning you on social media, it may be because he wants to appear single.
13. He Doesn’t Show Affection Publicly
Holding hands, a quick kiss, putting his arm around you – little public displays of affection are normal for couples. If he avoids this, he may be trying to downplay your relationship.
14. He Seems Hot & Cold With You
Pay attention if he acts very into you one day, then distant and unavailable the next. This back-and-forth behavior means he has mixed feelings or is becoming noncommital.
15. He Gets Jealous About Other Men Easily
A man who demands to know who you’re with or gets possessive when you mention other men is projecting his own actions. He likely wants to keep his options open but hates you doing the same.
16. He Flirts With Other Women
Obvious flirting, seductive glances, intimate banter with other women, or boundary-pushing behavior is a huge red flag if you want a committed partner.
17. He “Jokes” About Infidelity
If he frequently makes comments like “As if I’d ever cheat on you babe” unprompted or laughs at stories of unfaithfulness, it may be on his mind.
18. He Has Wandering Eyes
You notice his eyes drifting to check out or follow other attractive women while you’re together. He may be more interested that he lets on for playing the field.
19. He Disappears On Weekends Or Nights Out
Pay attention if he’s unavailable or “busy” on Friday and Saturday nights frequently. These prime social times are when single people try to meet others to hookup. He’s not ready for a relationship because he hasn’t stopped looking yet.
20. He Gets Defensive About His Phone
If he never leaves his phone unattended, seems protective of it, or takes it with him whenever he leaves a room. He may be hiding something (or someone he’s talking to).
21. He Doesn’t Delete His Dating Profiles
It’s one thing to still have an account open. But if he’s actively posting and messaging women on Tinder or Hinge, he’s not serious about settling down.
22. He Won’t Introduce You To His Friends
If he avoids bringing you around his friends or mentioning that he’s dating someone. It’s likely because he wants to appear available to other women, and he’s hiding you.
23. He Doesn’t Remember Important Details About You
When someone is falling in love, your birthday, favorite foods, interests, and other details will stick. If he can’t remember basic facts or dates important to you, it’s a sign he’s not ready to commit.
24. He Doesn’t Factor You Into Big Life Decisions
Whether it’s choosing a new job, moving, or making other major choices, his life plans should include you. If not, you’re not integral to his future plans.
25. He Bails On Plans Frequently
We all get busy or overwhelmed at times, but consistent flakes and cancelations signal where you fall on his priority list.
26. He Doesn’t Compliment You
Partners in love will naturally praise each other’s appearances, personalities, talents, etc. If he skimps on genuine compliments, he may not feel that way about you.
27. He Doesn’t Do Thoughtful Things For You
Real relationships involve thoughtfulness like bringing you coffee in the morning, remembering your preferences, or giving you gifts “just because.” Thoughtless partners aren’t invested.
28. He Avoids Overnight Stays
If he never stays the night or encourages you to go home afterward, he doesn’t want lengthy intimate time with you. Cuddling or commitment is off the cards.
29. He Doesn’t Value Your Opinions
Good partners will ask what you think and want your input on topics or decisions. If he doesn’t seem to care about your views, he’s not concerned with having a two-sided relationship. It’s a one-sided commitment from you.
30. He Doesn’t Share His Goals And Dreams
Emotional intimacy includes confiding hopes for a career, family, travel, and other aspirations for the future. If he keeps these private, he’s holding back his life goals from you simply because you’re not one of them.
31. He Dismisses Your Feelings
You should feel safe being vulnerable and sharing feelings with an understanding, supportive partner. If he brushes off your emotions, he’s not playing the role of a caring boyfriend.
32. He Refuses To Argue
Couples will inevitably disagree and get upset at times. Stonewalling or refusing to “argue” at all may be a sign of indifference, not a healthy conflict style. He’s not invested because it’s not a real relationship in his mind.
33. He Avoids Couples Activities
If he always comes up with excuses when you suggest a date night, weekend getaway, or attending a wedding as your date, he doesn’t want to deepen your bond.
34. He Doesn’t Make You A Priority
You should never feel like you’re last on his list or he slots you in when it’s convenient. You’re either a priority or you’re not.
35. He Routinely Chooses Hobbies Over You
Of course, outside interests are healthy! But if he consistently puts his hobbies above bonding time with you, he’s not taking the relationship seriously.
36. He Doesn’t Discuss Money Or Home Life
Partners share budgets, financial goals, household tasks, and other domestic details. If he avoids these topics or hides his financial status, he’s not thinking long-term.
37. He Doesn’t Show Empathy When You’re Upset
Offering comfort and support when you’re going through hard times is Relationship 101. If he’s never there for you emotionally, it won’t improve.
38. He Doesn’t Check In When You’re Apart
If he doesn’t text, call, or contact you the entire time he’s away on a business trip or with friends, he’s fine not having you top of his mind.
39. He Avoids PDA At All Costs
Holding hands in public, an affectionate embrace, using “babe” or “honey” – small acts of bonding come naturally to serious couples. If he shies away from these moments, he’s not feeling that connection.
40. He Doesn’t Have Your Back
Partners defend each other and have each other’s interests at heart. If he doesn’t stand up for you or throws you under the bus, his allegiances lie elsewhere.
41. He Doesn’t Include You In Future Plans
Talk of bucket list trips, dream houses, or other future plans should include you. If he only talks in the “me, myself, and I” sense, you’re separate entities, not a union.
42. He Frequently Cancels Or Ends Plans Early
When you’re in love, more time together is a good thing. If he chronically cuts dates or couple time short, he’s not that enthused about being with you.
43. He Doesn’t Know What You Like In Bed
Partners who care about mutual sexual enjoyment will learn what makes each other feel good. Clueless or selfish lovers are just using you to get off.
44. There’s No Give-And-Take
Are you always the one compromising and giving in? Healthy relationships involve reciprocation and balance. One-sided partnerships don’t last.
45. He “Doesn’t Believe In Marriage”
This may be true for some couples. But if he offers vague dismissals or overall tense objections to making things official, he likely doesn’t want that with you.
46. He Doesn’t Seem Interested In You
Loving partners are engaged, ask questions, listen attentively, and make you feel fascinating. Does he seem bored, distracted, or emotionless around you? He’s tuned out because he’s not ready for this relationship.
47. You Don’t Feel Secure In The Relationship
Do you have nagging suspicions about his feelings or faithfulness, constant anxiety about where you stand, or doubts about the future? Pay attention – your intuition is telling you something.
48. You Argue More Than You Laugh
Yes, all couples argue on occasion. But the bulk of your time together should be lighthearted and fun. Frequent dramatic blowups indicate deeper issues.
49. Your Friends And Family Don’t Like Him
The people who care about you will notice red flags and negative dynamics that you may miss. If friends or family caution you about getting serious, listen up. They might spot his noncommittal habits before you do!
50. His Actions Don’t Match His Words
Talk is cheap. If he says all the right things but his behavior doesn’t reflect it, pay more attention to deeds than empty platitudes and promises.
51. You’re Constantly Making Excuses For Him
Do you find yourself rationalizing away hurtful things he says, writing off thoughtless behavior, or minimizing flaws in the relationship? Making excuses is a sign things are off.
52. He Pressures Or Guilts You
Partner care and intimacy should be mutual and enthusiastic consent only. Pressuring for Intimacy, guilt-tripping, or coercing you physically constitutes abuse – a major red flag of a toxic relationship.
53. You Don’t Feel Like Your Best Self With Him
Being with your person should make you feel uplifted, accepted, and secure. If the relationship brings you down or erodes your self-esteem, it’s unhealthy.
54. He breaks promises and commitments
Partners should be able to count on each other to follow through. If he frequently breaks promises or fails to keep his word, it’s a major red flag. Empty promises without follow-through can destroy trust and intimacy. Don’t tolerate it.
What to Do When He’s Not Ready for A Relationship?
If you see the signs he’s not ready for a relationship, it can be frustrating and disappointing.
Here are some tips on handling things when he’s not ready to commit:
- Be honest with yourself. Don’t ignore red flags or make excuses. Accept that he’s not ready.
- Don’t take it personally. His issues with commitment may have nothing to do with you.
- Have an open conversation. Calmly explain you want more and ask if he sees a future together. If he’s vague or avoids the topic, you have your answer.
- Don’t pressure him. Trying to convince or force someone to commit never works. They have to get there on their own.
- Clarify boundaries if you want to keep seeing him. Are you exclusive, or is this just for fun? What activities are you comfortable with? Stick to your guns.
- Date others when you’re ready. Don’t sit around waiting for him to be ready. Be transparent with him, but keep your options open to find someone who shares your relationship goals.
- Limit contact if needed. If spending time with him is painful knowing he won’t commit, scale things back to protect your feelings.
- Work on your self-esteem. His disinterest is no reflection on your worth. Therapy, journaling, and hobbies can help.
- Let go with love. Have compassion for his limitations, but don’t sacrifice your needs. Wish him well and walk away.
Give him space to figure himself out, but don’t wait around endlessly if it’s more than just a fun fling you want.
Refocus on self-care, friends, adventure, and meeting new people. The right man who cherishes you is out there!
Final Thoughts
Being ready for a real, serious relationship involves commitment, maturity, investment, and selflessness. Some men simply aren’t capable of meeting this standard, despite caring feelings.
Pay close attention to these red flags to determine if he’s truly ready for the real thing or just wasting your time. Prioritize yourself and find a man willing to put in the work – you deserve it!
