Spotting red flags early on when you start to date someone new is crucial when it comes to avoiding bad relationships and heartbreak while dating!
When you start dating someone new, it’s very easy to become whipped up in a whirlwind of emotions that make you consider what it could turn into. You get excited every day at the prospect of seeing this new person in your life, spending time with them, and ultimately trying to figure out your compatibility together.
Could this all be in vain though? Whilst dating, you may only be noticing the good things they do, and without realizing start turning a blind eye to some of the serious red-flags that can cripple any budding relationship.
Spotting red flags whilst dating can actually be harder than it sounds. It’s not like they walk around with a sign showcasing all the things they are doing wrong, or traits and habits that might cause concern.
You need to be vigilant and stay guarded if you do happen to spot some of these red flags whilst dating someone new. It’s at this point that you are not fully invested, and still hold a lot of control over how things are going to pan out.
In some cases, one or maybe even two of these red flags might not be a dealbreaker for you. You could choose to give him a chance to change or move away from these bad habits or bad signs. But if he still doesn’t change, that’s when you need to act fast and re-evaluate whether he’s really worth taking a chance on or not.
Here are some of the top red flags whilst dating you really need to be wary of.
1. He Makes No Effort To Plan Anything
If he’s happy just to coast along while you are dating, and never seems to make an effort or have a willingness to ensure you spend more time together. It’s a pretty big red flag.
Sure, there is such a thing as taking things slow & steady. But if you always find yourself in the position of being “date planner” with little to no input from him. It could be a sign his hearts not really in the game, and you’re taking a backseat in his plans.
2. He Always Turns Up Late For Every Date
Turning up on time, or being prompt to arrive for dates or date nights that have been planned well in advance is a pretty big deal. It shows you really value the other person’s time, so turning up late more than once or twice should be a big no-no.
It’s his way of saying “I’ve got more important things to do” or perhaps even revealing some of his traits relating to tardiness or generally not caring about being late for most things.
It’s a red flag for sure and something that needs to be noticed and brought this his attention quickly, or you could find yourself playing a constant waiting game for him.
3. He Expects You To Pay For Everything
While money should never really play a big role while you are dating someone new. It can become a different story for you if the guy you are dating has the expectation you will pay for everything!
You are not some money tree that he can just call on to pick up the check, it should be split equally or fairly depending on the circumstances you both find yourselves in.
Having an unhealthy dependency on someone else to pay your bills or tabs especially while dating is a pretty huge red flag. It shows a lack of financial independence and is something to be avoided.
4. He Has No Life Goals Or Aspirations
If you’re dating a guy who is all too happy to be coasting along with no real goals, or aspirations for his life. This is usually a sign that he might have the same approach towards dating or a future relationship with you.
It might not always be this bad as some guys just genuinely don’t know what they want out of life, or hit a few bumps along the way.
But if you have talked to him about his dreams and goals in life, and he still genuinely has no clue or real answer. Then it could be a red flag that he’s on the road to nowhere. It’s something that needs real attention on his part, and perhaps you can help inspire this within him and notice any change before cutting your losses.
5. He Is Always Talking About His Ex-Girlfriend
No-no-no. It’s one thing talking about your ex’s or past relationships if you are asked about them directly. But if he’s constantly bringing up his ex-girlfriend to you, or talking about the things they use to do together. Then its a pretty huge red flag you should be paying attention to.
It could be a surefire sign he’s well and truly hung up on his ex. She is flooding his mind enough for him to keep bringing her up, and his stories or thoughts about her are lingering over your time dating together like a bad smell.
You need to confront why she is still playing such a big part in his life, as it could be a sign that he’s actually not quite ready to be dating you.
If that really is the case, move on. You only want someone who has thoughts and feelings for you alone.
6. He Openly Compares You To Other Girls
We all make comparisons in our heads, it’s all part of being human. You compare so that you can make sense of things a lot of the time. When it comes to people and getting to know them it can be pretty important.
However, if he’s making a habit of openly comparing you to other girls and saying things like “She would never have done this…” it’s a bad sign that you’re in for a bumpy ride.
He already thinks he has you figured while dating and has pinned someone else’s bad traits or habits he’s familiar with firmly on you.
This is not fair, to say the least. You are your own person, and for him to publically compare you to others shows that he really does not value that. He sees you as the mirror opposite of another person he holds in high esteem. Changing his mind here will be a lot of work!
7. He Avoids Commitment Like The Plague
One of the biggest red flags for you whilst dating is if he is actively avoiding making a commitment to you at every turn. It’s basically his way of throwing up a disclaimer to say “I’m not ready to commit to you”.
If he’s being non-committal and showing no sign of wanting to invest in you while you are dating should be enough for anyone to just call it quits.
If you continue, you are simply giving him permission to bail on you whenever he likes, or treat dating you like a bit of fun. Don’t play games with your heart here, move on, and find someone who’s ready to commit.
8. He Treats Affection Towards You Like A Currency
Giving affection to the person you are dating should be expected as it’s the best way to show someone have a fondness for them or that you like them a lot!
When a guy is withholding affection from you or making you work hard for it. This can be a seriously big red flag to keep an eye on. It could be an early warning sign he wants full control over your relationship together, or perhaps is unsure about your time together dating.
If his hearts really in the right place, and he wants things to progress with you. He should have no problem throwing bucket loads of affection in your direction.
9. He Takes Forever To Reply To Your Messages
Guys that leave you on-read, or actively ghost your messages and take hours or even days to respond could be playing games with you. It might be a ploy or tactic to have you constantly chasing after him or wondering what he is doing.
It’s more often than not an “attention thing” and shows a lack of maturity. Him not responding to messages that have clearly been read, or him ghosting the person he’s been dating and sending all the right signals too is a cowardly move.
Don’t fall into the trap. If he genuinely wants a relationship with you he would be present and in the moment. If he’s playing hard to get or sending mixed signals it’s likely not worth your time waiting around for him.
10. He Acts Like His Time If Far More Valuable Than Yours
When you make plans to spend time with him and he cancels at the last second to go see friends, or genuinely acts like he has more important things to do. Stop right there!
It’s his way of telling you while dating, that his time is far more valuable than your own. Dating someone and being in a relationship is about everything being equal, time included. It helps set the foundation for any possible future relationship.
So him flouting your time or perhaps even expressing to you that you are coming in 2nd place to the rest of his life should only ever be a gigantic red flag. He’s obviously not ready for a relationship and is just taking your along for the ride.
11. He Flirts With Other Girls
There is nothing that shows such blatant disrespect for you while dating than him flirting with other girls behind your back. It’s one thing keeping your options open, but to do this all while knowing you are dating someone else is a massive red flag that should be avoided like the plague!
He’s basically looking to have girls to choose from, and this actively feeds into the red flag about making comparisons to other girls.
Unless you explicitly agree that things between are more casual or not too serious just yet, this is fine behavior if it’s all transparent. It should only ever be a dating standard that you don’t get involved with other people until your relationship together has run its course.
12. He Lies About His Life Or His Past
When you find out the person you are dating has been lying about their life, the things they do, and perhaps much of their past. It can only ever be a major red flag.
Sure, everyone can tell a white lie from time to time. Perhaps to protect someone’s feelings or make themselves seem like a better catch. Nobody is perfect and we all want to be seen in the best light.
However, there is a big difference between a white lie, and not telling someone a hard truth because you know it would affect your relationship together.
Lying constantly is a seriously bad habit, and it’s definitely something that is hard to break away from once you bury yourself within many of them. Lies about feelings, love, and perhaps even whether you are actually single or not can have a severe impact on dating and relationships.
If you think he’s lying to you whilst dating, or know for a fact some of the things he’s saying don’t add up and you have proof. He’s probably a guy to be avoided or confronted about this. The longer it goes on, the worse it will become.
