At the beginning of your relationship together you and your boyfriend might have texted and called each other all the time. Having affectionate, fun, and loving conversations that really begin to cement your relationship as a couple firmly in love.
But now things look to be a little different. He seems to text you far less than he did at the start of your relationship. He rarely calls you to check how your day is going and late-night texts or phone conversations now seem to be nonexistent or too few and far between.
It can be a very confusing situation to find yourself in. Especially if it goes suddenly from one extreme to the other. You once loved receiving these heartfelt calls and messages from your boyfriend, but now he seems to have changed or be put off by the prospect of texting or calling you.
What To Do When Your Boyfriend Texts Less & Rarely Calls You?
What Does It All Mean?
Firstly, it’s important to know that when many relationships start out, they usually start out strong. Filled to the brim with constant flirting, romance, and plenty of passion.
These moments while you are in a relationship are usually referred to as the ‘honeymoon period’. Essentially meaning that during this time, all your attention and focus is solely on the other person.
During this time you will often find yourself knowing exactly what your boyfriend is up to at every waking second. You will share messages and call each other constantly while you are both apart. It makes you feel seriously needed, wanted, and desired completely by your boyfriend.
But what does it mean if this all suddenly stops – or gradually declines the longer you are together or in a relationship with your boyfriend? Is it a sign that you are losing passion in the relationship, or does it mean your boyfriend is losing interest?
Before you get ahead of yourself or you start fearing the worst for your relationship with your boyfriend. It’s a good idea to start asking yourself a few simple questions about the reasons your boyfriend could be changing his texting or calling habits.
Maybe there is something hidden from view that has changed the way you and your boyfriend communicate on a regular basis, or perhaps you yourself could be at fault for some of the change in actions your boyfriend is exhibiting.
To help find the answer to why and what to do when your boyfriend’s not calling or texting – you should first ask yourself the following questions…
1. Have You Done Anything To Upset Or Hurt Him?
Could you have said something or done anything that may have been hurtful or upsetting to your boyfriend without you realizing it? One of the more common reasons a guy stops texting a girl is when they feel hurt or upset about a certain situation.
It’s pretty common for guys to have a tendency to bottle up their emotions or feelings and hide them from you. Whether this is right or wrong is another question. But the fact is he might be hurt by something you have said, or perhaps has heard about something you’ve done and that’s why he’s not calling or texting you back.
2. Did Your Boyfriend’s Life Get A Whole Lot Busier?
Has your boyfriend mentioned anything to you lately which could imply that he will have a much busier schedule than usual? Project deadlines, new jobs, promotions, and family commitments can all play a role in soaking up most of your boyfriend’s available time.
Perhaps he just hasn’t had a spare minute to text or call you back and doesn’t want to bore you with the details. In any case, if you think he may just be busy it’s not the time to be alarmed. He’s likely just trying to see his way clear of these commitments so he can dedicate more of his time to you.
3. Is He Waiting For You To Text Or Call Him First?
While you may think he might be playing games with your heart by not texting or calling you. He may actually just be waiting for you to make the first move.
Guys just like girls like to feel needed, wanted, desired, and know that someone is always thinking about them. If he is normally the one to make the first move by calling or texting you. Then it’s probably time to return the favor.
Sometimes guys can feel like they are coming on a little too strong if they always have to be the first to send a message or give you a call to discover what you’ve been up to. So be brave and just touch base with him on the phone or over message.
4. Has A Hobby Or Interest Taken Over His Life?
The hobbies and interests your boyfriend has a passion for can play a pretty big role in soaking up much of his available free time each day. More than you might think!
Maybe a new video game has just been released and he’s playing it until the wheels fall off – Or perhaps he and his guy friends have taken up a new hobby together like mountain biking or rock climbing that sees them away from their phones for hours at a time.
Any way you look at it. Unless you are firmly in the picture to take an active role in his hobbies or interests. You may often find yourself playing second fiddle to his other passions in life.
It’s not that he doesn’t care about you, or love talking to you. Far from it. It’s just that he gets so much enjoyment from the things he loves doing in life that it can become very easy to lose track of time – or lose focus on the other things that should also be important.
5. Is He The Kind Of Guy That’s Always Glued To His Phone?
While some guys can treat their phone like a priceless heirloom that they carry around with them. On the flip side, there are also the types of guys who are really not too fussed about having their phone on them at all times.
It’s become the norm for everyone to be expected to constantly be on their phone or be available. Whether this is a bad or a good thing is up to debate, but it doesn’t hide the fact that some guys much prefer 1 on 1 conversation and connection.
He might act like a guy from the stone age but his hearts in the right place. He may just be letting the fact he needs to call or text you slip his mind, and much prefers being affectionate or intimate in person.
6. Has He Shown Any Other Signs Of Losing Interest In The Relationship?
While his lack of calls or texts might leave you wondering if he’s starting to lose interest in you or the relationship. It’s only really the time to start being worried if you can spot some of the other telltale signs.
[Read: The Traits Of A Terrible Boyfriend That You Need To Avoid]
Has he done anything out of character recently that made you wonder if he’s genuinely into you? Did he act strange around you the last time you saw each other, or ask you weird or blunt questions about the relationship?
Quite often when a guy is displaying all the signs of losing interest in the relationship he will often act way out of character. Your gut feeling will tell you something is not right, and more often than not its usually correct.
7. Does His Phone Take A Back Seat On Vacations Or Holidays?
If your boyfriend is currently on a vacation or holiday and still isn’t calling or texting you back. It could be because his phone is taking the back seat while he gets some much needed R&R.
During holidays or vacations, it’s never actually easy to tell what the cell reception will be like. His phone signal may simply be non-existent or he’s left his phone turned off to avoid the expensive charges or tariffs experienced abroad.
Whatever the reason is it probably doesn’t make you feel much better about the situation you find yourself in. However, if you know he’s currently on holiday or planned to go away. It’s best just to stick it out, and wait until his return to find out what the real deal was.
8. Could There Be Another Girl In The Picture?
Is there any indication that another girl could also be vying for your boyfriend’s attention or affections? Sure, thinking about this or the possibility that another girl might be in competition with you over your boyfriend is never easy.
However, if he won’t pick up your calls or is ignoring all your texts for days at a time. It’s probably worth entertaining the idea that your boyfriend may also be getting attention from another girl.
[Read: 18 Warning Signs Your Boyfriend Is Cheating]
Unless you have all the facts, or solid information proving that he is ignoring you because of some other girl. It’s never worth making rash decisions or snap judgments. He’s innocent until proven guilty, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be highly skeptical or cautious.
9. Are Your Expectations Of Calls And Texts Too Much For Him?
In relationships, we all have our own hidden expectations or what we would like our partner to be like or how they should act and treat us. So when it comes to having a boyfriend it’s undeniably the same.
You should ask yourself if your desire for consistent communication like phone calls and texts are just too much for him to handle at this time.
Does he find juggling work, education, and the relationship pretty difficult even though he tries his best? Or is he simply laid back as a person, or not as receptive to your expectations or needs for phone calls and messages?
In any case, none of this makes him a bad boyfriend – or a boyfriend who’s not willing to make the effort. He may just need it spelling out to him, or effort being made by you both to find a good compromise in the relationship.
Find a solid medium ground between what you expect from him in terms of phone calls and text messages – and what he is actually capable of doing or living up to around his busy schedule or hectic lifestyle.
10. Is He Deliberately Ghosting You?
Feeling the hurt of thinking you’re actively being ghosted by your boyfriend is inescapable. You might call and message him and hear nothing back for days at a time or perhaps nothing at all.
It can be heartbreaking and leave you seriously confused or dumbfounded as to what is really going on – or what is genuinely going through your boyfriend’s mind.
While its actually pretty hard to tell if you’re being ghosted if they are doing a good job of it. If they leave your messages on read, or you see them actively talking to others online it’s a solid indicator you’re being ignored.
Why this happens is anyone’s guess. There are many reasons a boyfriend could begin ghosting his girlfriend out of the blue and an even smaller amount of things you can do about it unless you live close by or bump into him to demand real answers.
If you’ve made every effort and seriously think you are being ghosted. It’s probably best just to cut your losses and move on. He obviously thinks he has a reason for doing it, and many other reasons he might be ignoring you or not telling you outright are probably not worth knowing in order to save your feelings or your heart.
What Should You Do About It?
Now you know some of the questions you should be asking yourself if your boyfriend suddenly stops calling or texting. It’s time to actually figure out what the next steps should be.
What should you do when your boyfriend stops calling or texting you? Should you be pestering him to pick up the phone and give you a call or message you – or should you start playing him at his own game?
Here’s are the important things you should do when your guy simply won’t call or text you.
1. Don’t Let It Play On Your Mind.
One of possibly the worst things you can do is allowing your boyfriend not calling or texting you to play on your mind too much. It can drive you crazy wondering about all the reasons or things stopping him from calling or texting you.
Aside from the questions, you should be asking yourself. The main problem resides in your boyfriend’s actions. After all, he’s the one choosing to call or message you less. Only he can truly reveal what the real answer is for acting this way.
2. Don’t Ask His Friends Or Family What’s Going On.
Now, it might seem like a pretty good idea to start probing his friends and family for answers on why he’s resisting to call or text you. But the fact is it can often cause more problems than its worth.
Sure, they might be able to give you some insight as to why he’s been acting this way or won’t return your calls and reply to messages. However, you have to remember these are the people closest to him.
They will often give him feedback on the questions you have posed to them or tell him you’ve been demanding answers about his phone or social habits. This is inevitably not a good look, and if your boyfriend’s actions are completely innocent will make it seem like you’re being possessive or controlling towards him.
3. Don’t Stalk Him On Social Media.
Social media makes it seriously easy to get a glimpse in real-time what people are up to in their daily lives. But if your boyfriends not calling or texting then it’s probably not the best idea to start stalking his social media accounts.
Mainly because if he’s ghosting you on the phone, and ignoring your messages and calls. It has likely occurred to him to ignore or ghost you on social media as well.
The worst-case scenario would be seeing him enjoying himself in pictures or getting intimate with another mystery girl. Just avoid it at all cost, and wait for the real answers to reveal themselves.
4. Find Things To Do Away From Your Boyfriend.
Keeping busy and finding things to do away from your boyfriend is probably the best course of action you can take. It’s got to be better than sitting around waiting for him to call or reply to messages right?
Try to arrange to do something with your friends to take your mind off things, or perhaps even arrange a girl’s night to talk over some of the issues or problems you are having to get another perspective.
Doing anything other than driving yourself crazy about your boyfriend’s habits has to be the preferable option. Find something else to do, give it time, and hopefully, you will see the changes or answers that you really need.
5. Don’t Call Or Text Him Either.
One of the hardest but possibly most effective ways to get your boyfriend to take notice is to simply stop calling or texting him. It’s hard because you will often fight the urge to bombard him with messages asking what he’s up to, or why he’s not messaging you back.
However, the fact is. It’s proven to be an effective method for seriously getting a guy’s attention. If they notice that you don’t call or text, then they too will start to become curious or perhaps begin to enjoy the chase once more.
If you play him at his own game and stop calling or texting him, but still nothing changes. Then by this point you’ve already got your answer, and as hard as it may be. Its likely time to move on.
FAQs
Should I Answer His Call After He Ignored Me?
If he suddenly decides to call you after ignoring you for an extended period. Then its completely up to you if you want to hear his side of the story, or receive an apology for him being so absent from the relationship.
Quite often at this point, you’ve already mentally checked out from the issue. So him calling you back out of the blue can come as a bit of a surprise. But before answering, always consider if you’re willing to go through all of that again.
If he was happy to ignore, ghost, or block you out of his life before. Then there can be no guarantee he will not just do it all again!
Is It Normal For Your Boyfriend To Not Text You?
This can completely depend on your boyfriend’s phone habits or how he generally likes to stay in touch with you and other people. Some guys prefer to call, some only prefer texting occasionally and others might even go days without texting you.
It’s only time to be alarmed if his habits change way beyond anything you have grown used to. If he goes from texting you every day to now not texting you at all. It may be time to figure out what is really going on, and why his habits have suddenly changed.
[Read: The Things Men Secretly Want From You In A Relationship]
However, it is normal for boyfriends to text you less if you have been in a relationship for a while. Once you have left the honeymoon period of your relationship you may find that a lot less needs to be said over text as you have grown more comfortable within the relationship and with each other.
What To Do When He Goes Silent?
There can be many reasons for a guy going silent on you and not calling or texting you back. However, It is important to consider everything before making a snap judgment.
Maybe he has many things going on in his life at this time that are stopping him from calling or texting – or more worryingly he’s got doubts about the relationship and you.
To help you figure it out, here’s a few of the common reasons a guy might go silent on you.
- He’s having phone problems or has lost his phone.
- His life has become hectic leaving him no time to text or call.
- He needs time or space to consider the relationship.
- He’s playing mind games or stringing you along.
- He wants you to chase him.
- He’s getting attention from someone else.
- He’s ghosting you.
Any way you look at it, it’s not usually a good sign if a guy goes silent on you. If he cares for you or loves you he would be trying his best to make sure you’re all ok and at the very least make it known that he needs space or time to think.
However, you’re not a mind reader so you can only really rely on your gut feeling and judgment.
If it seriously feels off, or he goes silent and reveals no explanation as to why. It may be time to seriously consider the relationship as a whole or if you are willing to wait around to find out the true meaning of him going silent on you.
Why Do Guys Go Days Without Texting?
It’s pretty common for some guys to go days without texting their girlfriend back. The ‘Why?’ can often be a bit of a mystery especially if you are on the receiving end and left feeling confused or upset about the situation.
However, oftentimes many guys can lose track of time or get overwhelmed with a busy life schedule which can make replying or texting you back on time a real challenge.
Normally the thing to consider when a guy goes days without texting or messaging you is the duration. How long does he actually go without texting you or replying?
If it’s only 1-2 days then it’s only a minor cause for alarm. But anything closer towards 1 week might mean he has some serious doubts about the relationship or is actively ghosting you.
This is especially true if you message him and he’d read it but is still persistent in not replying or contacting you back.
Is It OK To Not Talk To Your Boyfriend Everyday?
Yes, its perfectly OK to not talk to your boyfriend every day, and can become pretty common the longer you are in a relationship together.
Sometimes you don’t need to talk to your boyfriend every day for them and you to know you care for and love each other. The old saying runs true “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”.
So if you are ever worried about not talking, texting, or calling your boyfriend every single day. Just know that it is completely OK and something that is experienced or very common in many other healthy and thriving relationships.
There are a few benefits also to not talking each and every day with your boyfriend. You will have a lot more to talk over and often find yourself having deep, heartwarming conversations with each other rather than just sending short texts or having quick phone calls each and every day.
As long as you both know you are there for each other and committed to being in the relationship with one another. Then no harm can come from having one-day breaks in conversation, texts, or calls.